Thanksgiving 2009

It has been a long time, but I feel like venting and Facebook can only handle so much. Today we had my Mom, Dad, Amber and Brooke over for Thanksgiving. I cleaned the house (even thought I really did not need to) for 3 days, and John cooked all day. You know, I really hate that I put so much on my shoulders about the stupid things. For instance... is anyone really going to notice that the baseboards have some soda slashed up on them in the kitchen? Or that the cupboard next to the stove is super cluttered? NO, THEY WONT. I was busting my hump for 3 days, and it was over in 5 hours. I hope that I keep that in mind on Christmas Eve. Yeah right, I won't. I will be worse for that holiday. Oh well, it is just who I am. This time... more time for me and less time for cleaning the day of the event.

Family Update...
Jackson is 4 months old now. 4 months old. Wow. This being my last baby, I had hoped that it would not fly by so quickly, but I can not slow time down. He is so amazing. I love him with every inch of my being. I could not love him any more than I do. I have felt a connection to him from the day I knew I was pregnant, before any test could tell me I was pregnant. He will forever be my little man. He is really big. He is wearing anywhere from 6-9 months clothes. Biggest baby yet. He is super strong, and should be sitting up in the next month or so. He has been rolling over for weeks now, and loves it. He smiles all the time, but has only laughed a few times. He has his routine down, and so do I. I put my big girl panties on and moved him into his own room, but he still naps in the living room. This way he wont be woke up by Bella when she is "napping" too. He LOVES his brother and sister. Spencer loves him too, but Bella is not a fan of him. Just like I predicted. She thinks he took her place. I have to make time for her during the day so we still have our mommy/daughter time. I really thought it was going to be harder having 3 kids, but so far it is easy. I do find that I am later to work than I would like to be alot. It is super hard to get out of the door on time, but that is the only problem I seem to be having.

Spencer and I are getting along really well, with a bump here and there. Tonight was a bit tough, but lack of sleep and too much going on could be that problem. He is doing good in school, but I think he needs to pay better attention while there. He is still doing the Cub Scout thing, and still loves it. With the weather being bad this time of year, he just hangs out in the house playing with Bella, or with my DS.

Bella is... well, she is just Bella. She has her good times, and her bad times. Right now she is going through a independence stage. Wants to walk at the store and not ride in the cart. Wants to be in the kitchen when we are in there. All things that any normal 3 year old (in 3 weeks she will be 3!!!) would want to do. The problem though... she does not listen. You have to force her to listen and it is frustrating and exhausting. I hope she starts to grow out of this... its getting old. She is amazing while Spencer is at school. Listens really well, helps me out, cuddles with me, plays with me and Jackson. But the second Spencer gets home, she turns into the mean Bella. She feeds off of him, and they drive each other nuts. Go figure right??? Brothers and sisters not getting along. I just hope that Jackson and Bella get along better that Spencer and Bella. They are going to be growing up together, where Spencer is out of the house more and will be doing the friends thing.

I have been back to work for almost 2 months already. It is the same ol, same ol.. that is good but it sucks too. I have gotten no where with my weight loss. Frustrating, but what did I expect. It is the holiday season, and the food is too tempting. It all went down hill at Halloween, and has only gotten worse. Only 4 more weeks and it will be done. I hope to move on with it at that point, but with my track record I worry I wont. I was walking 5-7 days a week when it was not raining, and was doing amazing with it too. Once the rain started, I quit. I am borrowing a treadmill from the neighbors, but I don't like it. It is really loud, and the belt is too small. I wish I could get an elliptical machine. I would use that. Don't know if it would be enough, but it would be better than nothing and better on my bad knee and ankle. I could get one for under 300, so perhaps with John's next big bonus. We will see. I would still love nothing more than to be a cop, and after finding a woman cop out there to talk to, I think I really can do it. I just have to be able to pass the test. I CAN DO IT!!!

What's been going on around this joint

Well, my little baby boy is now 2 months old. 2 months ago today he came into my life. When thinking about the time... it would seem that I have had him for much longer than that. He is super amazing. I just love that little man. I had to take him to the doctor yesterday because of his skin. A few weeks ago we noticed some spots on his face, and it has just gotten worse. Long story short... he has baby eczema. The doctor says it will most likely go away, but who knows when that will be. We took him off of normal formula and put him on soy to see if it is milk related. I sure hope it is, and that it will clear up soon. It breaks my heart to look at the beautiful face all beat up and pealing. I know it bothers him too, and it is tearing me up inside. Dr. Johnson say that this may effect him allergy wise in the future. We will have to avoid nuts for a long time, just in case there is an allergy there. My mom says there is a link between child asthma and baby eczema. Don't know how it is linked... have not looked into it yet. Turns out John had eczema and asthma as a child. Who knew. Guess I should have gotten a genetic background before I reproduced with that man!!! Just kidding.

I got my double jogging stroller on Friday. I just love it. I have used it every day. John, Spencer, Bella, Jackson and I went for a 2 mile walk Sunday night. Last night Mark, Kyla, Mikey, Aidan, Spencer, Bella, Jackson and I went for a long walk again. I started my morning program today thought. Here is the plan... I need to start slow because I was unable to do anything for so long while pregnant, and then after the baby came. I plan on walking Spencer to school every day (unless it is just pouring, I don't think the babies should go out in that kind of weather. Rain is ok, but not if it is pouring), and then go for my walk. Today we dropped Spencer off then walked for 55 minutes. I did not worry about the time, or where we were going, I just walked and listened to music and looked at all the houses I have never noticed before. I love walking. I just hope that I can start running as smoothly as I started walking. I have noticed that breast feeding and jogging do not mix. Too painful. I think with the baby not being able to have milk, and me wanting to start running, I am just going to stop nursing. I only did it once yesterday, and that was just because I was in pain and needed to do it. I feel super guilty about not nursing, but I just think it will work out best for me. I know it is best for him to nurse, but with the eczema, I don't know if I am even able to do it. So stressful.

I go back to work in 2 weeks and 1 day. I am sad. I do miss going to work, making a honest days wages and having the self respect of working... but I am going to miss the baby SO much. It has been wonderful being home the last 4 months with my family. Even with all the yelling! I know it is going to be super hard that first day back.

I am still excited about reaching my super big goal of being a police officer. It is so hard to not eat the nummy foods that I want... but when I think of being a cop, it makes it easy to say no. I want it so bad. I just hope it happens. I can not think of anything else I would want to spend the rest of my life doing. Nothing seems as exciting or respected as being a cop. I just hope the age thing does not get in my way. I know I can get in shape for it, but there is nothing I can do about being old!!!

More Papa pictures

Some of the many pictures I took while at Long Beach.

Our trip to the ocean.

Rudy and Jackson.

First day of 2nd grade.

Random pictures for Papa

Sleep

So I realize that it was our idea to have a baby, and yes I know that new borns do not sleep when you want them too... but I am sleepy. I need 1 night of full sleep. I am going to go crazy soon. I am getting super frustrated with the fact that the baby is not nursing like I want him to do. He is doing this thing where he just does not want to nurse. He just flat out chooses to not nurse. He will take a bottle, and is happy after that... but will not latch on. He just freaks out until I get him that bottle. I want to be a nursing mother, but if he will not latch on, then what the heck do I do?!?!?! I put too much stress on myself when it comes to breastfeeding, I always have. I don't know why. I just feel that it is so important to make the first few months good, so that maybe whatever I do will stick. However, I did everything perfect with Bella, and it is just like I haven't, so I guess it just doesn't matter.

Anyway, if I could just get 1 good nights sleep... uninterrupted, I would be doing a little better. I might not be stressing so much about how or where Jack sleeps, or what and when he eats.

Little man Tenney

My new baby boy is 4 weeks old today. That makes me very sad. I wish I could stop time and just enjoy the new born stage a little longer. I will not miss the sleepless night however. I am getting sick of him only sleeping 1-2 hours at a time without eating at night. He can go for hours during the day, but the second I want some sleep he wakes up. I think the last 2 nights I have gotten a total of 6 hours sleep. Not enough for this person!! He is staying awake longer during the day now, so why is he not sleeping more at night? Oh well, only a few more weeks until he sleeps longer at night. I will move him into his own room really soon. I have to get him use to sleeping flat on his back so he will like his crib. Actually I put him in his crib one day while I was in his room doing somethings, and he did not seem to mind it too much. His crib is super comfortable, and there are lovely colors to look at in there, so I think that is why he liked it.

Perhaps I will work on keeping him up longer in the evening, not that it is easy to do. It just seem like the only time we go anywhere is in the evening, and he sleeps in the car. It is hard to wake that boy up when you do want him up, and even harder to put him to sleep!!

Today is going to be hot. We are going to be playing in the pool this afternoon. I am going to get up and make lunch in a minute, put Bella to bed and then when she wakes up we will all go out back. The sun is the hottest out back around 5pm, but there is more shade back there in the afternoon. I am not a big fan of hanging out in the back yard, there is no where to sit, and I always get burnt through the leaves on the trees. Maybe I will sit out in the sun and work on my tan. Now that I am drug free, there are no side effects from them and I wont burn.

Life and getting through it

So in the last few days I have managed to take my 3 kids to the store all by myself. For now it is really not all that hard. I think when Jackson gets older it will become a bit more hard. Now I just put the car seat in the shopping cart, and Bella in the seat part of the cart. Spencer, of course, is a big help and runs along beside the cart.

The last few days have been weird. Ashley and Tim's wedding is tomorrow, and my kids are in it. I have spent the last few days looking for an outfit for me (finally found one that fits this squishy body), going to the tux fitting, getting shoes for us all, getting the small details for Spencer and I, and just running around like a crazy person. Jackson has gotten off any sort of schedule that I may have been close to because of this. Today we have more things to get, as well as go to the rehearsal tonight. Tomorrow is the wedding, so it is an all day event for the kids. I just hope that the lack of being home doesn't mess with Jackson too badly. Last night was horrible from 9-12. He cryed and cryed for ever. I still don't know what was wrong with him, I can only assume that it was lack of food and sleep from the days combined.

On the bright side of things, I found some rad shoes for Spencer, Bella and I yesterday. We ended up spending 65.00 on 4 pairs of shoes, and only 3 pair were every day shoes. My shoes are for the wedding. I hope to get some use out of them other than the wedding, but I am not too sure. Today we go to Walmart for jewelry for me for the wedding and to see what they have for school clothes for the boy. I still would like to find an outfit for Jackson for tomorrow, but it is really hard to find anything other than onsies for a boy this small. I want an outfit for him, but again, they are either too big, or for the fall and I think it is going to be on the hot side tomorrow.

Places to go today...
Walmart
Wellsfargo
Wedding Rehearsal
Depending on how much time I give us... we may go to JCPenney's for school clothes too.

I will be doing all the school shopping this weekend. School starts in just 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And we are going camping next weekend, so that leaves no time. I don't want to take the chance of running out of money. or time, before the boy gets his clothes.

Back to real life

It is nice to be getting back to normal. It was nice to have my mom here, but now that she is gone things are getting back to normal. Jackson is fitting in really well. I was worried about how Bella was going to deal with him, but turns out she likes him. Good thing too. There was one time where Spencer had to stop her from hurting him, but I don't think she did it to hurt him. She was going to lay on him, just like she does with Spencer. She just does not realize how small the baby is. Other than that she is doing fine. There is a time or two a day where she is jealous of the baby, but that is normal. She wants to sit on my lap when he is. It can be overwhelming some times, but that is something that I will just have to deal with.

I am looking forward to the day when he sleeps for longer than 2-3 hours at night, but at the same time I don't want him to get too big too quick. This being my last baby, I am really wanting him to grow REALLY SLOW. I love the baby stage. John likes the older baby stage, like 9 months. I dig new borns. I feel this connection with Jackson, like he knows what I am saying to him. I did not have that with Bella, and Spencer and I did not mesh well for like 2-3 weeks after he was born. I was afraid of babies when I had Spencer. Jackson is going to be mommies boy, for sure.

The breastfeeding is going really well. There is the occasion now and then where he gets a bottle. Sometimes he just does not get enough milk from me, and then I will give him a bottle. Like last night. I nursed and nursed and he was still hungry. I almost wonder if he was over sleepy, and the bottle acted like a binky. He usually only drinks 1 oz, at the most, the rest is breast milk. Then when John gets up with him on his days off, he gets 1 bottle a night then. I am not that good at nursing in public, so I find myself packing a bottle for back up. I always try to nurse first, but if I am shopping at the Walmart, I am not going to whip out a booby. I can say that I am already getting tired of being the only source of food for him though. On call every 2 hours. That will change when he gets a little older, and needs to eat less often.

We are thinking about going camping in the next few weeks. Well, John and Spencer are going, and Bella, Jackson and I are thinking about tagging along. I think John is ok with us going. I have not been camping forever. It was before Spencer. I may have been pregnant with him, but I don't think I was. That was 8 years ago!! Now when I say camping, I mean I slept in a van. Roughing it huh?!?! Any who, I don't know where John is thinking, but I found a rad campground near a lake. I think it would be a good place to start out camping with the family. I am not really down with taking Bella into the middle of the woods. I would worry the entire time about her running away. We need to buy a few things in order to go. We have a small tent, but we would need a second one, and air mattresses for both. We have everything else we would need. Sounds fun, I hope we actually go along with it. I need to get out of this house.

My new baby

So Jackson and I have been 2 people for just over a week now. He was one week yesterday. I love that little boy so much. He is so beautiful, and on top of that, a really good baby. Or am I just a really good mommy. Tough call!!! I am sitting here typing at 1:35am waiting for him to wake up, because I was not sleepy when he went to sleep at 12ish. Today was not a normal day. I ended up back in the hospital last night because of high blood pressure. What a crappy night. I was hooked up to an IV all night and all day and given blood pressure meds that made me feel all weird. On top of that med, I was also given multiple narcotics for the headache that took me to the ER in the first place. There was a point this morning that I could not move. At all. All the meds had taken it all out of me. That being said, John and Jackson stayed in the room with me last night. I had to have John stay there if Jackson was going to stay because I could not take care of him on my own, and they were not responsible for him any more. That was fine because I did not want John to go, and I really did not want Jackson to go. The poopy side... John had to go to work today, so the baby had to go home. My mom has been here since Tuesday taking care of the me and the kids (side note... John did not think I could do it alone, cute huh??), so she had to watch all 3 kids alone. Had it not been for the drugs and being in a coma all day, I would have worried all day long.

My milk had come in in the last few days, but you don't really realize it until you can not feed your baby every 2-3 hours. I was able to pump at one point during the day, but by the time John came to pick me up, I was leaking all over the place. When I got home, Jackson was sleeping and was not hungry. I leaked forever!!! When he finally woke up he just snacked all night, and then when it was time to put him down for the night, he was not hungry. Damn it. That leaves me where I am now. Number 1... I could not get rid of that freaking headache that sent me to the hospital in the first place, so I drank a Mt. Dew and loaded up on ibuprofen. Now I am not sleepy. Number 2... I slept all day at the hospital and again, now I am not sleepy. The only thing getting me through this... my mom is here until Saturday night, and I can nap tomorrow when Bella is napping. Nice.

I have been sleeping on the couch since Saturday when we came home. Our bed is too high and with the c-section I could not get in or out without John's help and a ton of pain. Not to mention the heat. It has just been the best place for me. I wanted to move back up stairs tonight, but with the mix up in our little schedule we sort of had going until yesterday hit the fan, the baby was not having it. I guess I will try it again tomorrow night. I really want a good nights sleep in my bed. Maybe John will stay up with the baby one night this weekend.

My birth story

I guess I will start with my 39 week ob appointment on Tuesday last week. I talked the doctor I saw into seeing if there were any appointments open at the hospital for an induction. She said they would call me if there was, and there was. I was super excited that I had a 7:30 appointment Wednesday morning. You would think that I would have been up all night, but I actually got a few hours of sleep, thanks to some sleeping pills. I called at 6am to double check that we were still on, and we were.

We got to the hospital at 7:30 on the dot, after rearranging cars and kids. I checked in, and was taken right to my room .I wad hooked up to all the machines, and given my IV and by 8:30 was getting the pitocin. I really started feeling the contractions around 11, but was dealing with them rather nicely. I had a visit from the doctor on call around 9, and was told that I was still 2-3cm and that the baby was really high still. She did not want to break my water because of it.

After a few more hours of laboring, the nurse checked me again, and said that I was about 4cm, and that the babies head was still really high. I was doing good, and did not want to get the epidural yet, so I kept laboring. She was sure that my water was going to break soon, so I was not surprised when I felt a gush about 30 minutes later. This is where it is going to get icky, so if you don't want to hear the details, don't read on any more. When I felt my "water" break, I felt other stuff coming out too. Lots of stuff. It did not feel like water, and I was terrified. I called my nurse and she came right in. She lifted up my blanket and I quickly asked if it was clear water. She only said no. She stood there for a minutes just looking, I could tell she was thinking what to do. I was really worried because I thought that there was meconium. Turns out what I thought was my water, was a huge gush of blood, and the stuff I felt was huge clots. She changed my bedding, and said she was calling the doctor. The doctor checked out my last ultrasound and said there was no reason for the bleeding except for my placenta detaching. The doctor said she would be there soon, the clinic closed at 5, and she was there at 5:30. By this time I had gotten my epidural and for the first time EVER it worked. It was the best! I felt some pressure at the peek of my strongest contractions, but no pain. It was nice. The nurse had talked me into thinking that everything was ok, so I just relaxed and spent some quiet time with my mom and Husband.

Around 5:15 John's mom wanted to come in the room, so I sent him out to get him, and while he was gone the doctor showed up to check me. She said that I was almost 5, but that my water had not broke. She pulled out a huge clot while checking me, and the look on the faces of the nurse and doctor freaked me out. She said that she could break my water but that we took the chance that the cord would rush through as the water did. That has always been my biggest fear about my water breaking, but if the doctor was comfortable with it, then I was to. John at this time was in the hall just outside of the door with his mom, my mom had her back to us so she did not see my stuff, and the doctor broke my water. Now keeping in mind the extra amount of fluid I have had in this pregnancy, I knew that when it broke it was go everywhere. Oh my god, did it. The doctor and the nurse were sitting on my bed when the did it, and I have never seen 2 people jump up so quickly. The doctor grabbed my legs, concerned about my socks (funny right) and the water flowed. She checked me right away, and she started to freak out. She kept saying to the nurse "that's the cord isn't it! is that the cord?!" The nurse checked me and agreed that the cord had come out.

That is when it hit the fan. There were so many people in that room so quickly. My nurse had to physically hold Jackson's head off of the cord. She was on the end of my bed, and she was scared. I yelled for John and he ran in. Looking into his eyes I did not have to say a word to him. He and I were terrified. They unhooked me and started pushing me out of the room, to the operating room. My mom was at the door and she grabbed my hand and hugged me as they rushed me by. The OR was just a room or two away, and they told John to get dressed and to wait at the door. When they got me in there, they had to give me a spinal block, luckily I had gotten the epidural when I did, or they would have had to knock me out. It took over 10 minutes for them to get their stuff together and to get me numb. When they started cutting me, John was told he could not come in. I later found out it was because I was not numb and because I could feel them cutting into me. They had him locked in a room directly across the hall from me. I could see him through the window on my door, and through his door. We kept eye contact and it was like he was right there with me. I have never felt so close to him ever in my life. They were in had had my beautiful baby out within 5 minutes. That is when I finally went numb all the way, and they let John come in the room. They cleaned Jackson up, and John carried him to me. I have never cried when I was handed my new born baby before. I was so scared, but when I saw how beautiful and healthy he was I just let it all go. John and I and our son were alone at that point, or so it felt. John was told it was time to go clean up the baby, and they finished the operation. It was all over from the doctor checking me to being wheeled into recovery in 1 hour.

I thought I was going to die on that table. I was afraid of leaving my husband, and my beautiful babies. I was thinking of my mom, and how I did no even said goodbye. When it was over and the baby was ok, I felt relaxed.

When I was rolled into recovery the nurse that I was with all day was still in charge of me. She saved my babies life, and I can not ever forget her for that. I was in recovery for 2 hours. Because I could feel them cutting me, he over numbed me and it took 2 hours longer than normal to come out of it. John and Jackson came in to visit me about 45 minutes into it. I could not hold him, because I could not feel all of my arms. I did not get to hold him until 8:30 that night. My mom was waiting for me in my room when I was ok to go there. I have yet to talk to her about this all yet, it is still too new and it makes me sad to think about it, but I hope to hear her side of the story someday.

This is not the birth story I intended on, but the outcome is. My baby is one of the most beautiful things in the world. I love him so much.

On the way to the hospital

I am about 10 minutes away from getting in the shower. My last shower as the mother of 2. My last shower as a pregnant woman, ever. I am so excited. I can not wait to meet this baby. It has been the quickest pregnancy ever, but the last 4 weeks were the longest part of it. It has been a trying pregnancy, so many things thrown at me. But we came through. I only can hope that I did not give this baby diabetes. I will never forgive myself if he is sick because I could not control myself.

Well, I am off. I am going to give birth today. No big deal. :)

A good day to have a baby

So it looks like I have been written in on the inductions list at the hospital for tomorrow morning. According to the person that called me, it is in pen, not pencil. Nice. I am so excited, but nervous all the same. I am excited because this is the first induction I have gone into being almost 3cm dilated already. I just hope it is not a super duper long labor. Man, I am still in shock that it is going to happen tomorrow. They did say there was a 5% chance of being bumped, due to other moms needing to be induced before me. I am high priority because of the gestational diabetes, so I don't think I will be bumped. If I am, it will be hours, not days.

I am having a hard time getting my kids watched though. I have Ashley that said she would help, but I am not sure to what extent she has available. Still waiting on that answer. Also, the neighbors are here for us if we need them. I only need someone to watch them tomorrow (all day) and tomorrow night. I think, if the baby comes at a decent time tomorrow, that John can come home to be with the kids, or take them somewhere else on Thursday for a few hours. I would like a little help at the hospital Thursday night too, but if no one will watch them, John will just have to stay home with them.

Lets see... things I have to do today...

Pack bags for the 2 kids
Clean the bathroom
Have John put Jackson's blinds up
Take all the trash out
Put the trash can out for trash day
Empty the dishwasher
Dog proof the house
Repack my hospital bag
Mop the kitchen floor
Ask Mark or Kyla to kick the cats out at night
Send out gas and car payments

Ok, I think that is all I have to do. I hope. I took care of everything else, OMG, I forgot to get a nursing bra. I should go right now and get one, but that means a trip all the way to Olympia.

I am going to have a baby tomorrow!!!!

39 weeks pregnant

I still don't get what is going on here. Why am I still pregnant. I am super frustrated. I just want to have my baby. I want it to be stress free and wonderful, and if he doesn't come in the next day or so, it will not be that way. John has worked the last 6 days, and will do the same this week too. He has covered for Brett and Matt's vacations. It would be perfect if he could have the last part of next week off to stay home with me and the kids.

I am going to take my mind off of being pregnant by going to the Lakefair parade this evening. I only hope I can find a good parking spot and don't have to walk too far. Tomorrow we have to go to a Cub Scout BBQ, so that should take my mind off of it too. I hope. Tomorrow night is the Lakefair fireworks, and we will do that too.

I have an appointment Tuesday morning, and I will tell them I want to be induced that day. I will not wait until 40 weeks. I just don't see how it is going to be proactive for Jackson and I to wait any longer. Frankly, I just don't see why I have not been induced, or at least scheduled for induction, by now. I was told that I would be induced in the 39th week, because of his size, and then last Monday she said that my cervix was not ready. I was not dilated at all with Spencer, and I was induced with him. Induced with Bella too, so what is the problem. I was 2-3 cm on Monday, and 60% effaced. How is that not induceable. Anyway, I have bitched about that already, so I digress.

I have spent the last 3 days cleaning the house. I deep cleaned the kitchen, dining room and living room. Last night I took the rug outside and pressured washed it. I am not so sure how that is going to work out for it thought. It is still super wet, and I am afraid that it will stink when it finally drys. I think my plan backfired. I have a rug in my room that I will bring downstairs if it does stink when it, if it, finally drys. I should go buy a new one, but they are on the expensive side. I might swing by the Walmart tonight and check them out. I don't want anything fancy, just something to put on the floor to put the baby on when he comes. Hardwood floors just are not that comfy to sit on, and for some reason, I always end up on the floor with the kids when they are babies.

Sick things that happen to you when your pregnant

So I totally lost my mucus plug this morning!! I am sure there is more up there, but a big ol' chunk came out this morning. I am super excited. I spent the day cleaning my kitchen yesterday. Could that be the "sudden burst of energy" they speak of?

I literally woke up and got to work. I started by folding all the laundry in the house. My normal thing to do is to wash it, dry it and just put it on the kitchen table. It is such a pain in the ass to find anything. Stuff falls on the ground, the cats sleep on it and it all gets hairy. I hate it. I wish I had the energy to fold/hang it and put it away, but I don't. John and I once made a deal (that has never really be followed threw on) that if I washed/dried/folded/hung the laundry, he would put it all away. I am fine with that, but if I spend the time doing all that work, I want the laundry put away that day. Not sitting around, being moved 30 times getting all messed up and unfolded. Anyway, my point to this is that there was at least 10 loads of laundry sitting on and near the table. Not to mention the loads that still needed to be washed. I got it all done. Well, I have had to wash 2 this morning because the family dirties clothes like crazy. Know what I just thought of... 5 people + 5 showers/baths a day= 1 load of towls a day. When I was done with the laundry, I washed the bench and table. Then I swept under everything and organized the laundry area. It looks amazing over there. I was not done yet! I did all the dishes, cleaned off the fridge and microwave (the 2 places we put random stuff), cleaned under the toaster, around the canisters and cleaned the drip pans on the stove. My kitchen (minus the floor, I could not stand by the time I was done, so I could not mop) looks amazing. I know feel that I can have this baby, and someone can come over and watch my kids without me being mortified about my house. I just have to clean the bathroom and the house will be perfect. My room does not count!! It is not dirty, just not perfect. Ok, it is a bit dirty. By the time I was done, it was in the 5pm hour. I did take a few sit down for 5 minute breaks, and a 30 minute nap just so I could keep going.

I am tired of looking at the signs of impending labor, because I have had them for weeks and weeks. I am not going to read too much into either one of the ones I have had in the last few days.

Past coming to the present

So recently I have been put back into contact with some old friends. One of the two seems to be doing amazing. I loved the hour conversation we had via the internet the other night. I keep thinking about her, and just how much I miss her in my life. She was truly something special, and the fact that I don't have her anymore is sad. The other one I have yet to have a real conversation with, so I am not sure how that one is going to go. I am not all that convinced that much has changed there, nor that we will have all that much in common. I am curious, so I will keep going until I get more answers there, but again, I do not have my hopes up there.

The friends I have now keep telling me I spend too much time on Facebook, and that the internet is my life. But how could something so bad have gotten me in touch with so many cool people. I have had more conversations with family in the last months than I have in the last few years. I have made friends with and have had fun talks with John's family, that doesn't even live in the country! Being locked up in this house because of the pregnancy, and lack of money, I don't know what I would have done with out this damn computer. I love the blogs, Facebook and Myspace. Sure I could pick up the phone as easy as the computer, but I prefer it this way.

On the bright side of things

I forgot, I did get my short term disability check today. It only took them 6 weeks to get it to me! It could not have come at a better time. It brings me to the quote of my life (that I should probably keep in mind as I sit here still pregnant)... EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. My family and I will always be provided for, when in the most need.

Whatever

So I had my 38 week appointment today. It went well, not. I am only 2-3 cm dilated, and 60% effaced. Sure that is better than last week, but to me, it is not good enough. She also told me that I am not ready to be induced. What the hell does that mean? How can a woman be "not ready to be induced". I have a vagina, and there is a baby up there, to me it would seen inducible enough!!! She was going to set an induction date, but after checking my cervix, and determining that it was not ready, she said that she doesn't want to talk about induction until at least next Monday. The problem there, I will not be able to see her again the rest of my pregnancy. She is out of town next week, and the week after I will be 40 weeks, and as far as I know (unless they change their minds AGAIN) they will not let a woman with GD go over 40 weeks. He is already estimated to be around 8 1/2 pounds. That will put him at 9 1/2 pounds at 40 weeks. Ridiculous. So I guess my uterus is in the hands of another doctor. Fun.

So, here is my conclusion. I give up. I no longer care. Whatever Jackson. Come tonight, or be induced in 2 weeks. I don't care anymore. I just plain give up. But mark my words young man, you better not be a 10 pound baby the requires a c-section, or there will be some talking between you and I.

Disappointed, to say the least.

38 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I am not going to lie. I am quite disappointed. I am still enjoying being pregnant, feeling this big baby move around inside of me, but I want to see him and hold him. I want my baby. I only have a few days more to wait, I know, I get that, but I am so sick of the waiting. If someone could just say "Cori, you will go into labor on July (fill in the blank) at 4pm", that would be amazing. I hate not knowing. I hate that I am going to miss out on Devon's wedding tomorrow because I can not chance leaving. I (again) do not want to be induced, so come on already.

I have been having strong contractions for 2-3 days that are every 30-45 minutes. But they always stop. They are very strong too, so what is the problem? I am afraid that every day he stays in there, he is going to be that much harder to get out of there.

37 weeks, on the 4th of July

Well, tomorrow is the 4th of July, and I am going to miss out on my family event. I am so sad about it, but I am going to be wise and just stay close to home. I think we will go to lake cushman, only 40 minutes from home and go swimming. I tried my swim suit on today, and yack. It looks horrible. I am not too sure what I am going to wear, but I AM GOING SWIMMING. I have wanted to go in a pool for months now.

I have to say that there is no sign this baby is coming any time soon. I feel fine all day, but when 5pm rolls about my tummy starts to get tight and I start to have contractions. Same thing, every freaking day. I only have 2 weeks to have this baby naturally, or the doctor is going to induce me. Come on people, send me good vibes. I need to go into labor on my own.

36 weeks 2 days

I had my ob visit yesterday. My doctor did the group b test, I am sure I will get that result next Monday, and while she was in there she checked me. I have gone from being partially open ( 1/2 on the inside and 2 on the outside) to 2 cm dilated. That is cool, I am also 50% effaced, but I think that has been that way for a few weeks, I can not remember. The bad news (in my opinion) is the baby is really high still. She said she had to really try to reach his head. That is disappointing to me. I know things can change over night, but the baby has to be pushing on my cervix in order to dilate it. He can not do that until he drops more.

I woke up yesterday having lower back pain that came and went. I also had a case of the soft poos, and was having menstrual cramps. By the time I went to my doctors appointment, I was having contractions. I was just sure that yesterday was going to be the day. I was quite uncomfortable. What went wrong? Why does my body do that? I understand it is not time, but if it is not time, why am I having all these symptoms? It is just not fare.

I called my doctors office to see if there is anything I can do to bring the baby down, and the nurse said "you are only 36 weeks, don't push it. It is better for the baby to stay in there for now." She has a point. I don't know why that did not dawn on me until she said it. I also asked my doctor yesterday if she was thinking about inducing me early, and she said that she would not think about it until the 39th week. That makes me feel better, I don't want to be induced. She will not let me go past 40 weeks, he will be way to big at that point. So, I can say, without a bit of hesitation, that Jackson will be here by July 26th. The end. That being said, I only have 26 days until the baby comes. That is nothing, I can do that.

36 weeks tomorrow!!!!!!!!

So today is the last day I have to take my BP meds to hold off contractions. I am super excited!! John keeps telling me to not get my hopes up, but I just can not help it. My big fear... I stop the meds and have no contractions. As of Monday he was already almost 7 pounds. I want to have him while he is still on the small side of 7 pounds.

We are sort of busy this weekend, well the boys are, so I am not going to push this until Monday. I have an appointment Monday, and I figure if Jack is not here by then, I will do a lot of walking and end the night with some labor inducing sex. Yes, I am using my husband. I am sure he minds.

My mom has been saying for weeks now, that this weekend is the weekend. I have had that feeling too, but yesterday my dad voiced (well texted) his opinion and he agrees that my baby Jack will be here by Sunday. Symptoms I have been having... Nesting. I have been nesting hardcore for just over a week, and I am not done yet. Pooping. I have gone from backed up (not painfully so, but just enough to note that I go days without pooping), to pooping 5 times a day for the last 3 days. Weight loss. I guess it is a sign that at the very end you loose a pound or so. I have lost at least 1 pound in the last week. That one seem weird to me. Contractions. I, of course, have been having contractions for 8 weeks now, but they have gotten stronger in the last 3 days. Not more of them, but just stronger. Anyway, I am sure there are more, but that is all I have noticed for now. Who knows, but I am still convinced he is on the way, and really soon too!

Oh paper work

So I get a letter from The Home Depot Friday saying I did not fill out my LOA paper work correctly, and that they did not get any sort of doctors note. If I did not do this, they would assume that I did not want to work there any more. I had 15 days from the date of the letter to get them the proper paper work, or I am not a Home Depot employee any more. It took 11 days to get that letter to me. Now this is from the HR dept, in Atlanta, not my store. I called them right away saying I did everything I needed to do, on May 26th, and that I was told I was done and on leave. She said that my store did not transfer any of that information on to them. FRUSTRATING. She said that she could email me the paperwork that I need to fill out and I could just fax it in. That was Friday. As of this morning (and yes I have called them back about it) I still have not gotten the freaking email. I am getting really really irritated. I guess I will call them back this morning, request the email again, and wait 1 more day before I call my store to handle it for me.

This weeks doctor update

So I had my ultra sound, non-stress test, and 35 week check up today. The ultra sound went well. He is estimated to be almost 7 pounds at this point. That is bigger than I was expecting, but the doctor is ok with it. My fluid level is still in the 20 ranges, which is just above normal. The non-stress test was fine. Good heart rate, only a few contractions, but nothing to worry about. Let me tell you how nice the quiet time is in that dark room. I actually like the time I get to listen to my little baby boys heart beating. It is our time.

That brings us to the doctors appointment. During the non-stress test the nurse checked my blood pressure, and it was a bit high. I guess they consider high for pregnancy 140/80, and it was 136/88. Don't forget that I am on meds that lower my blood pressure so I don't have contractions, so to have a "high" pressure on the meds was worrisome. She and I talked about any symptoms I have been having, and I mentioned to her that my stomach has been hurting for 2 days (not contractions, but sore to touch), and that I just don't feel right. I can not put my finger on what is wrong, I just feel weird. She did some reflex tests and she said that I am stiff, did not know that was a problem at the time. I knew where she was going with all of this... preeclampsia. She said she was going to have the nurse come back and recheck my blood pressure. She did, and it was a bit higher, I think 138/88, but had not gone down. Then it was off to the lab. They were going to draw some blood to get some base numbers to compare on if I get worse. Things I am to watch for are... blurry vision, flashes of light or floaters in my vision, headaches that wont go away, swelling in my hands and face. I am also not to skip my non-stress test on Thursday, they need to check my blood pressure again.

John is keeping an eye on me to see if my face is swelling, it is hard for me to notice changes in myself. He says that my lips have been swollen for 2 days, but I haven't noticed. I am worried. I looked it up on the internet, and some of the other symptoms are stiffness in joints (aka, my ankles were stiff in the office, so she said), lower back pain that is liver related (thought that I was just having a few contractions in my back), sudden weight gain (I gained 4 pounds last week alone). I am sure I am reading too much into all of this, but the fact that my doctor is worried, worries me. I can not help it. I don't want to be induced, I have talked about that before. What the hell else can go wrong with this pregnancy? Seriously?!?!

OMG freaking doctors

I can not wait until I don't have to deal with doctors on a regular bases again. I have yet to hear from Bella's doctor, but in the mean time, she is almost all well. Her poop is on the way to normal, and her breath still stinks like death but the fever is gone. So that is good news.

I get a phone call from my OB doctors office today wondering why I have not gotten a second NST this week. The problem there is I have to go to the hospital in order to fit it in to John's work schedule. I found out Monday that I am being charged a minimum of $500.00 (before insurance of course) for each visit to the hospital. Bull shit. I will not be doing that again. I have an appointment on Monday at my OB office for a NST, ultrasound and regular 35 week visit. It can wait until then. I will go if there are any issues I feel we are having, but I an NOT going to get bills like that in the mail for NST's!!!! Nope, not going to happen. The lady that called seemed to have a bit of an attitude about it, but unless she wants to pay that bill, then she can just keep her opinions to her freaking self.

I started my day off at the endocrinologist's office. The insulin is working, but he is making me do it all all meals and more units too. Only a few more weeks of this and I will be done. I am bruised all over on my right side from the injections. I am running out of places I can reach to inject on!!

So tomorrow is Randi's baby shower. SUPER EXCITED about it. Looking forward to seeing all the cute baby things she is going to get, and can not wait to see the family too. I am leaving Bella with the sitter, but am bringing Spencer. I feel sort of bad for not bringing bringing Bella, but she is too much for me to chase around being this pregnant, and being that far away from my hospital. I hope Spencer does not get too bored, but he wants to come. He is bringing my DS, so all should be good. The family will get to see his new hair do. I let him pick it out. He is growing up way to fast.

Well, Bella is in the corner pooping her brains out, so I should go. Should not have said her poop was turning back to normal, I just did myself in for that one!! Wish me luck!

Oh poop

So I took Bella in to the doctor yesterday. After waiting 50 minutes to get back into the room, and then at least 15 in the room for the doctor, we finally were seen. Turns out she has a very common virus called the Rota virus. He said it usually clears up by itself, but he wanted to make sure that this is what she has. How do you make sure you ask??? Poop sample. Oh yes, I got to spoon some of her poop into a cup this morning. These are the moments you don't read about in the brochure on parenting. John is very luck I am the stay at home mommy, because he could NOT have done that. Any way, I already think she is getting better, and I don't really want to pay the lab fees for this test, but to be sure I will.

Sick little girl

So Bella has had a fever for the last few days. I am sure it is because she is working on getting her 2 year molars. She has been pooping like crazy yesterday and today. I decided to call the doctor, and they said to bring her in today. I know the runs are from the apple juice. It is all that she will drink. She did not eat lunch yesterday, or dinner last night. She did eat some waffles this morning, and finally is eating some of a pot pie (her favorite) right now. I gave her some water and she is ok with that. She refuses to take any medicine, so it is hard to keep the fever away. Any way, we are going to the doctor today at 3:30. I am sure it is here teeth, but I am going to take her in just to make sure. I would hate for it to be something else and I just ignored it.

What is new this week...

Well. Those of you that know me, know what has happened in the last few days with my finances. I am still in shock. The future is what I make of it now. The ball is in my court, I just have to keep up with it now. I CAN DO IT. I am super excited at this chance to regain control over my life. What a gift, to be able to be home with my family and not worry about how am I going to pay my bills!!!

That being said, I have focused on last minute touches. I went out and purchased hundreds of diapers yesterday. Today I got my hospital toiletries, and packed them in Jackson's diaper bag. His bag is ready to go. My bag is going to be harder to pre pack. The things I need in the hospital, are the same things I need every day. I will look for my bag tomorrow, and pack things like... slippers, socks, and baby book. I really don't know what more I can pack for now. I guess I can just leave everything else out so all I need to do is dump it in my bag. I am going to try to have my clothes clean all the time so again, I can just grab them. I am sure that when the time comes, we are going to need to rush out of the house. I just have the feeling this is going to be a quick labor, being my 3rd, and the fact that I live 30 minutes (without traffic) away from my hospital is freaking me out.

So if this baby doesn't come the day I stop taking my meds (June 27th), I am terrified he will choose to come while we are at Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary's house on the 4th. How horrible would that be. Number 1, I would hate for his birthday to be on the 4th of July. Number 2, it would take at least 2 hours to get home, and that is assuming there is 0 traffic.

I know, live in the now, don't worry about things I can not control. I know.

Totally was thinking today was it...

I woke up with lower back pain. I am still having lower back pain, 12 hours later. I have been having pressure down there for days now, but today it was really bad. Then there is the feeling that I just can not describe. It is the hardest thing to put physical symptoms into words some time. I was telling John that it is the same feeling I had the day I knew I was pregnant. I knew I was pregnant way before any test could tell me. It is a warm, tingle that starts in my lower pelvis back area and takes over my entire body. It makes me feel sort of light headed and weird. So hard to described it, but I have been getting that all afternoon. It almost takes my breath away. I have also been having regular contractions. They start in my back, and move around to my front and move to the top. They have been really strong too. Then, and this one sucks, I feel like I have to pee, but there is only a little bit there. I know that I don't have a UTI, I was just at the doctor Monday, and they test you for that every time you go in. So, as you can see, I thought for sure today was the day. Not to say that today is still not going to be the day. I hope not, I am not ready. John says if my water breaks on the new chair, I am dead!!!

I had a dream about Jackson this morning. I dreamt that my mom, dad and I were at an antique store when my water broke. John got there and drove us to the hospital (we did not have a car for some reason). The next thing I knew, I had Jackson in my arms healthy and cute. Weird.

Bottom of the 9th

So just at the last minute, it looks like my finances are going to be ok. We have been given a miracle. I can not go into the details, but I am soooooo grateful for the people that have helped me and my family. I can not stop crying!!! I am in a state of shock, and don't know what to do with myself. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. There will never be anything I can do to show our gratitude, but please know how much you have helped us. No, saved us. Thank you again.

Dear lord, now what...

So I started out with the non-stress test. That went well. Then I saw MY DOCTOR. I made a point of making the appointment with her, and not a someone I did not have a relationship with. I went in with a list of questions...

QUESTION-Can I stop taking the meds that hold off the contractions at 36 weeks. ANSWER- They like to stop the meds at 36 weeks!! Perfect.

QUESTION-Am I going to go into labor the day I quit taking the meds?
ANSWER- Some people do, most do not.

QUESTION- Does that mean that my husband and I can have "relations" at that point?
ANSWER- Yes.

QUESTION- Am I going to need another ultrasound to see how big this baby is getting?
ANSWER- Yes, scheduled for next Monday.

QUESTION- I know that the non-stress test showed I was not having contractions, but I have been having lower back pain all day, and have been feeling pressure down stairs for a few days now.
ANSWER- Lets check your cervix.
RESULTS- I have opened more... 2cm on the outside of my cervix and 1/2cm on the inside. Last time it was still closed on the inside.
SIDE EFFECT OF THE RESULTS- Come in next Monday and have your cervix checked again to see what has happened all week. I may have to get the steroid shots for the babies lungs if next week I have progressed more. I just hope I last that long.

I had a few more questions that were stupid, but I was just curious. OH, AND RANDI, NO THE BABY CAN NOT BREAK THE BAG OF WATER BY JUST PUSHING. DID NOT ASK IF IT COULD BREAK WITH A HARD SNEEZE THOUGH.

So, one more thing we talked about... my blood sugar levels. Every time I go in, they change my meds. This time, no more pills, she is putting me on insulin shots. Damn. She says it will help keep the number from shooting from the 40's to the upper 170's. I find that I get super sick really quick without any notice, and when I try to fix it, I end up being too high. I hope she is right.

So after leaving the appointment, the back pains got worse and I just don't feel right. I am sure it is because she checked me, but I am still uncomfortable. We will see.

33 week check up

So I have another non-stress test, and a doctors appointment tomorrow. I am actually excited about the visit. I only hope she wants to check my cervix. I am excited to see if I have changed in the last few days. I have had a ton of pressure down there, and some contractions. Actually having one right now!! I think this one is because I have to pee. Be right back... ok, much better.

I really don't want this pregnancy to end. I am super sad that I will never have a baby again. That is such a depressing thought. I love being pregnant, even if it is super uncomfortable and expensive. I really do love it.

So the babies room is done. John is picking up the blanket right now, and I am getting the bumper pad tomorrow from my mom. I still have to frame the picture from R&K, but other than that, it is done. OOOPPPSSS, just remembered I have yet to put his clothes away. That will be fun. I can do that tomorrow. I have a cold, so I was on the couch with my sick baby girl all day today.

49 days until my due date!!!!

Um, sooo. oh never mind.

I am bored. So bored. Looking forward to something new to happen. SSSOOO bored.

Big Ol' Baby

So I have decided that this baby is going to make a break for it. He is just going to push his way out. He pushes so hard when he is turning around. Super crazy. I have tried to see if it is even possible for a baby to push hard enough to break the bag of water, but according to every thing I read, there is no proof. I am convinced it is going to happen. I just hope I am not on our new bed or recliner when it happens!! He seems to push the hardest when I have been walking around for a little bit, so I am sure I will be in the middle of Target or some where like that, and he will just push super hard and break it. The thing about that though, I have an excess of fluid, so when my water breaks, MY WATER WILL BREAK!!!! I am sure there will be no question when it does break.

So when I go to my regular 2 week check up on Tuesday, I am going to ask when she wants me to stop taking the meds that are keeping me from contracting. I have put a lot of thought into it, and my bet is that she will let me stop taking them around 36 weeks. Why the theory you ask... gestational diabetes causes babies to grow at a rapid pace, and the bigger the baby, the harder it is to deliver. If that is what she wants (or allows) this baby could be here around June 27th. Lets do the math... 27-2=25 days!!!!! I know I had said something about a full moon on June 22, but I was wrong. It is a new moon 6-22, full moon is June 7th, and July 7th. Ok, so here is my new prediction... She will let me stop taking the meds at my 36 week, June 27th. I will have contractions for a few days, but nothing will come of them. I will then go into labor the morning we are to go to Uncle Toms house, aka 4th of July, ruining the entire day. Who knows. Stop thinking about it so much, and just live it Cori.

Tomorrow

So tomorrow is the first of 6 non stress tests (aka NST's) I will have this month. I guess it is just is hooking a monitor up to me measuring contractions and fetal heart rate. 30 minutes, and I will be going alone. I am looking forward to the time away. Depending on how I am feeling (my legs have been acting up the last few days) I may go get some rope from work for the baby's room. Goes with the nautical theme. Very cute.

I am interested to see if I am having contractions that I am not feeling. I have had maybe 1 or 2 a day the last few days, so that is good. I have until 35 weeks before they will not stop labor, and that is officially less than 3 weeks now. June 22 I will be 35 weeks and 2 days, and I have a doctors appointment that day. On top of that, FULL MOON. I have a feeling, that is going to be the day. I am probably wrong, but that is my gut feeling as of today. That will put me just past the 30 days that the OB nurse at the hospital said I would last.

The polyhydramnios that I have (aka, too much amniotic fluid) is starting to become painful. I think between the combo of the poly, the gestational diabetes, and the changing cervix because of contractions, I am a goner by the end of June for sure. We sure do want to make it for the 4th of July though, without giving birth on the side of the freeway on the drive home!!!!

Bella's new bed

So here is Bella's new bed. I love the head board, but I wish I had better bedding. The sheets are too big for it, turns out the mattress is super thin, causing the right size sheets to be too big. I don't think I like the color of sheets either. I think white sheets would work better. She needs a bed skirt and comforter too. Maybe later, but that is going to cost too much right now.

Twin/Full

I am super bad at remembering which one is smaller. I ended up getting sheets for Bella's new bed, but they are too big. I am getting some from Cathy tonight, with a comforter too. I hope those sheets fit, or I will have to go back to the store. And I don't want to do that!! I will take pictures of her new bed and post them if the bed works out. Super excited!!!

OMG

So, this is a duh point, but... OMG I am having a freaking baby!!!! I am going to be the mother of 3 in no more than 59 days. The closer it gets, and damn it is close, the more real it is getting.

You would think this being my 3rd baby, I would realize I am having a child. There is a difference in having a baby, and bringing home a child. Just think about it. Think back to your first baby. You did not realize that you were going to have a child until that baby was in your arms and is your responsibility. Right? While pregnant, you can only think of the baby. Well, I can not help but think of this child that I am going to have. I think having a 2 1/2 year old helps me realize that this baby is not going to be a baby for more than a few months, and that he is a child that needs to be raised. STRESSFUL.

I feel like I have already messed up poor Bella, what if I mess this one up too?!?! Oh Lord, help me be a patient, caring mother of 3. Cuz, I am not the patient mother of 2, that's for sure.

LOA

So as of today, I am officially on LOA at The Home Depot. I have to wait the 2 week waiting period before I will get any sort of money, but they will back pay me for the 2 weeks. That is going to be soooo helpful. John is going to call his supplemental insurance company tomorrow ( if he has the time ) and see if I qualify for anything with them too. Chances are I will not, but it doesn't hurt to look into it. I think I will have to end up in the hospital before I get anything from them. But if the baby comes early, they will reimburse me for his time in the hospital too.

Today I finished one of the paintings in Jackson's room. It turned out super cute. Tomorrow night I will start on the second painting. I think I will finish Bella's head/foot board tomorrow while she is napping. Unless I feel like a nap, naps always win over working!!!! I have all the time in the world now, so I don't have to stress about when I can fit these things in. My legs did so good today. No swelling, and no pain. This staying home and not lifting a finger is working out just right. Now if only John would go get me some freaking doughnuts!!! Jerk.

Taking it easy, yeah right.

Do you know how freaking hard it is to ''take it easy''? I always thought I was lazy, until I was told to sit around and do nothing. It is very hard.

Yesterday we decided to go for a small car trip to Ocean Shores. We could not get to Coulee, so it was a replacement trip. Was not even close to as good. I sat around in the sand, and did a bit of walking. The waking kicked my ass. It is super crazy how quickly I get pooped. Today my mommy took me shopping for the last few things I needed for the baby. We got the rest of the fabric for the bumper pad, nipple pads for when I am breast feeding, changing table cover, and some cute things for the bedroom. That room is going to look so freaking good, I can not wait. When I got home, after sitting for a bit, I got started on some of the painting that needs to get done in there. Looking good so far, lots to do still. Then after a small nap and some quality time with my feet up, I decided to get started on Bella's headboard. I am currently in the process of painting it, but it is drying. I am not as happy with it as I had hoped I would be. I took my time, but still I feel it is half assed. Don't worry, when the bed is together and in her room, I will post pictures. I will be done with it tomorrow. Ok, I should be done with it tomorrow. I hope. After the kids go to bed, John is going to bring the dresser in, and I am going to paint it in the living room. Wish me luck, because I have already dropped a freaking gallon of paint in the grass. Paint was everywhere! The neighbors got a good ear full of some choice words. And yes, I cried.

My point... sitting around is super tough to do. I no longer have ankles. No, I now have kankles. I am sick of not being able to stand for longer than 5 minutes. They were so big today, I literally could not bend them. My toes are one big sold toe now. Super sick.

What!!!

So, my due date is only 65 days away!!! I went to work yesterday and talked to them about somethings, then called my doctor (at works request) and it would appear that I am going to be on my official leave of absents as of Tuesday. I still need the doctors final ok, but according to the nurse I spoke to yesterday, that should not be an issue with the problems I have been having. It is just best for baby Jack if mommy is super lazy for the next 65 days. As soon as I get that note from my doctor, I can start getting my short term disability. That will be very helpful. As of right now, I have worked 4 hours in the 14 days. Yea, that is going to be a 50.00$ paycheck. Big money. I will make way more on disability.

OMG GUESS WHAT!!! Ashley and Tim did the most wonderful thing yesterday!!! They bought the baby a car seat/stroller travel system!!! I was sooooo excited, I could not help but cry my brains out, for like 30 minutes. I put it together last night, and it is PERFECT. I love it. Monday my mommy is going to take me to get the last few things we need... a few bottles, crib sheets (found the perfect ones too!!), and fabric to cover Spencer's old bumper pad. After that, I will only need a diaper bag, and my neighbor Kyla is picking up the tab on that one!!! I am soooo freaking blessed. I would have to say that that cup is filling up, and rather quickly too!!

John is really disappointed that we are not going to Coulee today, as am I, but it is for the best. Financially and physically for me. I can not be that far away from my hospital right now. We decided we would find a beach around here (within 2 hours of the hospital, I feel that is safe) and go beach combing. Don't worry, we are taking the neighbors, and they know how to deliver babies!!!! We are going to pack a lunch, plus snacks, and just go for the day. I hope to find some inexpensive trinkets for Jacks room. I hear that the town we are going to is having a huge town garage sale, PERFECT. I love going to garage sales!! I will just have to keep an eye on my body and what it is telling me. I will be out of commission the next day, I know that.

Can not stop thinking

I just keep thinking about what the OB nurse said to me... "this baby will be here in 30 days". 30 days, that was 6 days ago. I am scared to death right now. I don't talk about God that often, and I don't admit to praying, but I do. I also thank God when things go my way, I think it is good to do that.

Dear God,
I know I ask for alot out of life, but really only one thing matters right now. Please let this little boy of mine stay safe inside of me for at least 5 more weeks. 35 days. That is what he and I need. I don't think I am strong enough to have a sick baby. I know I am not strong enough to leave my baby at the hospital all alone. All the other things facing me right now, I will deal with. I am strong enough for that, but please let my baby boy be healthy and strong.
Thank you.

Guess where I went today...

That's right, I went to the doctor. Again. This time it was a scheduled appointment. Let me vent for a second, if you will. I love my doctor. I really do, however, I hate that they make you see every doctor that works in their practice. I wish I could see Dr. Sears, and only Dr. Sears. Today I saw a woman I have not seen before. She walked in and got in my face telling me that if I don't get my blood sugar in check my baby could end up in the NICU when he is born. She made me feel like the worlds worst mother. The fact of the matter is, we have no money. I eat what we have. Things have never been so tight around here, and I can not go out and buy a special diet for myself. I can hardly afford to feed the 2 that are on the outside!! I told her this, and she sort of eased off of my case, but still I felt like a horrible mommy. That was the point that she told me I was going on insulin pills. Lets recap... blood pressure meds to stop the contractions, and now insulin. Damn, I feel like a little old lady. Did I mention I live on Zantac too!!!

While there, she checked my cervix, and all is good there. Nothing has changed since going home from the hospital. That is good news. I tried to get an answer on the work or don't work thing, and got freaking no where. I just wish they would just give me an answer already. Every week that goes by, they put me on the schedule at work. That is 5 shifts that they will need to cover if all of a sudden my doctor says I can not work. I have already missed like 2 weeks because of all of this. I don't have any sick or vacation time left. At this point I will make more money staying home living off of the short term disability, than playing the work or don't work game. I really wish they would just say... your done working. Then they would not have to cover my ass at work, and I could actually bring home some money. Any way, she said to work Wednesday (it is the only day I am scheduled this next week (Wed-Sun) because I requested the time off for Memorial Weekend to go to Grand Coulee. Now, because I can not be that far away from the hospital, we are not going), and take my "vacation" easy. I have an appointment next Tuesday, and at that point I will see another doctor that I don't know (and that won't know my case). I am going to flat out tell them at that point that I should just be off work. They all keep saying I should be at home taking it easy, they why the hell am I going back to work?!?!?!

Come on, when is the glass going to be half full? It has been on the empty side for a bit too long. I can only keep up the happy go lucky facade for so long. It is every aspect of my life... money, health, parents, money. The only bright light in my life... my wonderful husband and beautiful children. If I can just be with them, and not face reality, it is a good day.

Yep

So, I did not get a darn thing done today. Oh well. Tomorrow I have my doctors appointment, and we plan on bug bombing the house, so we will have to stay in town for a bit. I need to get the rest of the fabric for the babies bedding, and take it to my mother-in-law, so we will do that too. After that, we NEED to get going on the head board and dresser. My only concern, the heat was too much to do it outside today. I think the basement will be wiser.

Off to do the laundry!!!

Things to do this weekend...

Well, I am not really aloud to do anything, but... John is going to bring Bella's new headboard up from the basement and Jackson's dresser too. This way we can paint outside without the fumes. Keeping Bella out of it may be a problem thought. I can paint these things while sitting in a chair, so it is not a big deal if I do it. Plus, being outside is better too. Once we get that done, (seeing that today is John's Friday, and I am running low on time here) we will do the touch up paint in Jackson's room. There are only a handful of spots that need fixed. No big whoop. Then I can draw out the lighthouse and flags. If I don't paint them in the next few days, it will be ok. That is alot of work, and I don't need to over do it. Again, I can sit to paint the lighthouse, but I will need to stand to paint the flags. I am spelling his name out in nautical flags, and there is some detail to it. I want it to be perfect, so I want to take my time. If I need, I can have my husband paint them, but he and I have 2 different views of perfect. No, I will paint them.

The only other plan I have, is to work on the tan. Now that is doctor recommended!!!!

DDDRRRAAAMMMAAA

Ok... update...again. So Thursday started, and midway through was, normal enough. I had called the doctor like I mentioned, at 8:30, and finally I got a call back at 3:30. My question for them was should I stop taking the BP meds, change them or just deal with it. Her response was... are you having contractions still? I had to admit that I had had a few that afternoon. She said she wanted me to (as usual) lay on my left side, and drink 2 big glasses of water. If I had 4 or more in an hour, I was to go to the hospital. Well, guess what happened? That's right, I had 6 in an hour, and by the time we found a baby sitter, I took a shower, and were in the car, I was having them more often. I still thought it was stupid to be going to the hospital, especially since I was scheduled to work at 6:30, but I went. Had to humor the husband and OB nurse.

When we got there, the nurse made me get in a gown, and hooked me up to the monitors. I was having them like every 5 minutes, but for some reason they were not showing up on the monitor. It did not make any sense to me, and I don't think the nurse thought I was telling the truth. I decided to move the monitor to where I was feeling the contractions (after she left the room) and sure enough, they started showing up. She came back in and did the same swab test that was done in the doctors office last week, and then checked my cervix. My cervix is still closed on the inside, but is open to 1 1/2 cm on the outside, and according to them, is super soft and thin. That's when they decided it was time to deal with the contractions, and gave me a super strong and quick dose of the meds I am already on. It seemed to work, at first. Turns out I had to take a second dose within a specific time, and the nurse did not get the pill to me on time. My contractions that had stopped, kicked in super hard and under 2 minutes apart. I was scared. I thought it was over. The second pill slowed them down, but it took a shot of something else to stop them completely. We checked in to the hospital at like 5, and did not get to leave until 11. The shot they gave me had a side effect, she said it would feel like I had 2 too many cups of coffee, but it was like 10 too many cups. It was gross, did not care for it at all. But it worked, and very quick. They stopped 100% within 10 minutes, at most.

They are telling me that they don't think I was in preterm labor, but that I was having preterm contractions that lead to labor. AKA, good thing I went in. In the mean time, I have been told that I will not be going back to work this week, and at my appointment on Monday we will discuss if I will be going back at all. Also they upped my dosage of meds from 30mg twice a day, to 60mg twice a day. I am not all that convinced that I will be going back to work, but that is not up to me. I am also being told that this baby will most likely be here in the next 30 days. I am not due for 70 days. I am freaking out. Too much to do still.