Guess where I went today...

That's right, I went to the doctor. Again. This time it was a scheduled appointment. Let me vent for a second, if you will. I love my doctor. I really do, however, I hate that they make you see every doctor that works in their practice. I wish I could see Dr. Sears, and only Dr. Sears. Today I saw a woman I have not seen before. She walked in and got in my face telling me that if I don't get my blood sugar in check my baby could end up in the NICU when he is born. She made me feel like the worlds worst mother. The fact of the matter is, we have no money. I eat what we have. Things have never been so tight around here, and I can not go out and buy a special diet for myself. I can hardly afford to feed the 2 that are on the outside!! I told her this, and she sort of eased off of my case, but still I felt like a horrible mommy. That was the point that she told me I was going on insulin pills. Lets recap... blood pressure meds to stop the contractions, and now insulin. Damn, I feel like a little old lady. Did I mention I live on Zantac too!!!

While there, she checked my cervix, and all is good there. Nothing has changed since going home from the hospital. That is good news. I tried to get an answer on the work or don't work thing, and got freaking no where. I just wish they would just give me an answer already. Every week that goes by, they put me on the schedule at work. That is 5 shifts that they will need to cover if all of a sudden my doctor says I can not work. I have already missed like 2 weeks because of all of this. I don't have any sick or vacation time left. At this point I will make more money staying home living off of the short term disability, than playing the work or don't work game. I really wish they would just say... your done working. Then they would not have to cover my ass at work, and I could actually bring home some money. Any way, she said to work Wednesday (it is the only day I am scheduled this next week (Wed-Sun) because I requested the time off for Memorial Weekend to go to Grand Coulee. Now, because I can not be that far away from the hospital, we are not going), and take my "vacation" easy. I have an appointment next Tuesday, and at that point I will see another doctor that I don't know (and that won't know my case). I am going to flat out tell them at that point that I should just be off work. They all keep saying I should be at home taking it easy, they why the hell am I going back to work?!?!?!

Come on, when is the glass going to be half full? It has been on the empty side for a bit too long. I can only keep up the happy go lucky facade for so long. It is every aspect of my life... money, health, parents, money. The only bright light in my life... my wonderful husband and beautiful children. If I can just be with them, and not face reality, it is a good day.