Tomorrow

So tomorrow is the first of 6 non stress tests (aka NST's) I will have this month. I guess it is just is hooking a monitor up to me measuring contractions and fetal heart rate. 30 minutes, and I will be going alone. I am looking forward to the time away. Depending on how I am feeling (my legs have been acting up the last few days) I may go get some rope from work for the baby's room. Goes with the nautical theme. Very cute.

I am interested to see if I am having contractions that I am not feeling. I have had maybe 1 or 2 a day the last few days, so that is good. I have until 35 weeks before they will not stop labor, and that is officially less than 3 weeks now. June 22 I will be 35 weeks and 2 days, and I have a doctors appointment that day. On top of that, FULL MOON. I have a feeling, that is going to be the day. I am probably wrong, but that is my gut feeling as of today. That will put me just past the 30 days that the OB nurse at the hospital said I would last.

The polyhydramnios that I have (aka, too much amniotic fluid) is starting to become painful. I think between the combo of the poly, the gestational diabetes, and the changing cervix because of contractions, I am a goner by the end of June for sure. We sure do want to make it for the 4th of July though, without giving birth on the side of the freeway on the drive home!!!!

Bella's new bed

So here is Bella's new bed. I love the head board, but I wish I had better bedding. The sheets are too big for it, turns out the mattress is super thin, causing the right size sheets to be too big. I don't think I like the color of sheets either. I think white sheets would work better. She needs a bed skirt and comforter too. Maybe later, but that is going to cost too much right now.

Twin/Full

I am super bad at remembering which one is smaller. I ended up getting sheets for Bella's new bed, but they are too big. I am getting some from Cathy tonight, with a comforter too. I hope those sheets fit, or I will have to go back to the store. And I don't want to do that!! I will take pictures of her new bed and post them if the bed works out. Super excited!!!

OMG

So, this is a duh point, but... OMG I am having a freaking baby!!!! I am going to be the mother of 3 in no more than 59 days. The closer it gets, and damn it is close, the more real it is getting.

You would think this being my 3rd baby, I would realize I am having a child. There is a difference in having a baby, and bringing home a child. Just think about it. Think back to your first baby. You did not realize that you were going to have a child until that baby was in your arms and is your responsibility. Right? While pregnant, you can only think of the baby. Well, I can not help but think of this child that I am going to have. I think having a 2 1/2 year old helps me realize that this baby is not going to be a baby for more than a few months, and that he is a child that needs to be raised. STRESSFUL.

I feel like I have already messed up poor Bella, what if I mess this one up too?!?! Oh Lord, help me be a patient, caring mother of 3. Cuz, I am not the patient mother of 2, that's for sure.

LOA

So as of today, I am officially on LOA at The Home Depot. I have to wait the 2 week waiting period before I will get any sort of money, but they will back pay me for the 2 weeks. That is going to be soooo helpful. John is going to call his supplemental insurance company tomorrow ( if he has the time ) and see if I qualify for anything with them too. Chances are I will not, but it doesn't hurt to look into it. I think I will have to end up in the hospital before I get anything from them. But if the baby comes early, they will reimburse me for his time in the hospital too.

Today I finished one of the paintings in Jackson's room. It turned out super cute. Tomorrow night I will start on the second painting. I think I will finish Bella's head/foot board tomorrow while she is napping. Unless I feel like a nap, naps always win over working!!!! I have all the time in the world now, so I don't have to stress about when I can fit these things in. My legs did so good today. No swelling, and no pain. This staying home and not lifting a finger is working out just right. Now if only John would go get me some freaking doughnuts!!! Jerk.

Taking it easy, yeah right.

Do you know how freaking hard it is to ''take it easy''? I always thought I was lazy, until I was told to sit around and do nothing. It is very hard.

Yesterday we decided to go for a small car trip to Ocean Shores. We could not get to Coulee, so it was a replacement trip. Was not even close to as good. I sat around in the sand, and did a bit of walking. The waking kicked my ass. It is super crazy how quickly I get pooped. Today my mommy took me shopping for the last few things I needed for the baby. We got the rest of the fabric for the bumper pad, nipple pads for when I am breast feeding, changing table cover, and some cute things for the bedroom. That room is going to look so freaking good, I can not wait. When I got home, after sitting for a bit, I got started on some of the painting that needs to get done in there. Looking good so far, lots to do still. Then after a small nap and some quality time with my feet up, I decided to get started on Bella's headboard. I am currently in the process of painting it, but it is drying. I am not as happy with it as I had hoped I would be. I took my time, but still I feel it is half assed. Don't worry, when the bed is together and in her room, I will post pictures. I will be done with it tomorrow. Ok, I should be done with it tomorrow. I hope. After the kids go to bed, John is going to bring the dresser in, and I am going to paint it in the living room. Wish me luck, because I have already dropped a freaking gallon of paint in the grass. Paint was everywhere! The neighbors got a good ear full of some choice words. And yes, I cried.

My point... sitting around is super tough to do. I no longer have ankles. No, I now have kankles. I am sick of not being able to stand for longer than 5 minutes. They were so big today, I literally could not bend them. My toes are one big sold toe now. Super sick.

What!!!

So, my due date is only 65 days away!!! I went to work yesterday and talked to them about somethings, then called my doctor (at works request) and it would appear that I am going to be on my official leave of absents as of Tuesday. I still need the doctors final ok, but according to the nurse I spoke to yesterday, that should not be an issue with the problems I have been having. It is just best for baby Jack if mommy is super lazy for the next 65 days. As soon as I get that note from my doctor, I can start getting my short term disability. That will be very helpful. As of right now, I have worked 4 hours in the 14 days. Yea, that is going to be a 50.00$ paycheck. Big money. I will make way more on disability.

OMG GUESS WHAT!!! Ashley and Tim did the most wonderful thing yesterday!!! They bought the baby a car seat/stroller travel system!!! I was sooooo excited, I could not help but cry my brains out, for like 30 minutes. I put it together last night, and it is PERFECT. I love it. Monday my mommy is going to take me to get the last few things we need... a few bottles, crib sheets (found the perfect ones too!!), and fabric to cover Spencer's old bumper pad. After that, I will only need a diaper bag, and my neighbor Kyla is picking up the tab on that one!!! I am soooo freaking blessed. I would have to say that that cup is filling up, and rather quickly too!!

John is really disappointed that we are not going to Coulee today, as am I, but it is for the best. Financially and physically for me. I can not be that far away from my hospital right now. We decided we would find a beach around here (within 2 hours of the hospital, I feel that is safe) and go beach combing. Don't worry, we are taking the neighbors, and they know how to deliver babies!!!! We are going to pack a lunch, plus snacks, and just go for the day. I hope to find some inexpensive trinkets for Jacks room. I hear that the town we are going to is having a huge town garage sale, PERFECT. I love going to garage sales!! I will just have to keep an eye on my body and what it is telling me. I will be out of commission the next day, I know that.

Can not stop thinking

I just keep thinking about what the OB nurse said to me... "this baby will be here in 30 days". 30 days, that was 6 days ago. I am scared to death right now. I don't talk about God that often, and I don't admit to praying, but I do. I also thank God when things go my way, I think it is good to do that.

Dear God,
I know I ask for alot out of life, but really only one thing matters right now. Please let this little boy of mine stay safe inside of me for at least 5 more weeks. 35 days. That is what he and I need. I don't think I am strong enough to have a sick baby. I know I am not strong enough to leave my baby at the hospital all alone. All the other things facing me right now, I will deal with. I am strong enough for that, but please let my baby boy be healthy and strong.
Thank you.

Guess where I went today...

That's right, I went to the doctor. Again. This time it was a scheduled appointment. Let me vent for a second, if you will. I love my doctor. I really do, however, I hate that they make you see every doctor that works in their practice. I wish I could see Dr. Sears, and only Dr. Sears. Today I saw a woman I have not seen before. She walked in and got in my face telling me that if I don't get my blood sugar in check my baby could end up in the NICU when he is born. She made me feel like the worlds worst mother. The fact of the matter is, we have no money. I eat what we have. Things have never been so tight around here, and I can not go out and buy a special diet for myself. I can hardly afford to feed the 2 that are on the outside!! I told her this, and she sort of eased off of my case, but still I felt like a horrible mommy. That was the point that she told me I was going on insulin pills. Lets recap... blood pressure meds to stop the contractions, and now insulin. Damn, I feel like a little old lady. Did I mention I live on Zantac too!!!

While there, she checked my cervix, and all is good there. Nothing has changed since going home from the hospital. That is good news. I tried to get an answer on the work or don't work thing, and got freaking no where. I just wish they would just give me an answer already. Every week that goes by, they put me on the schedule at work. That is 5 shifts that they will need to cover if all of a sudden my doctor says I can not work. I have already missed like 2 weeks because of all of this. I don't have any sick or vacation time left. At this point I will make more money staying home living off of the short term disability, than playing the work or don't work game. I really wish they would just say... your done working. Then they would not have to cover my ass at work, and I could actually bring home some money. Any way, she said to work Wednesday (it is the only day I am scheduled this next week (Wed-Sun) because I requested the time off for Memorial Weekend to go to Grand Coulee. Now, because I can not be that far away from the hospital, we are not going), and take my "vacation" easy. I have an appointment next Tuesday, and at that point I will see another doctor that I don't know (and that won't know my case). I am going to flat out tell them at that point that I should just be off work. They all keep saying I should be at home taking it easy, they why the hell am I going back to work?!?!?!

Come on, when is the glass going to be half full? It has been on the empty side for a bit too long. I can only keep up the happy go lucky facade for so long. It is every aspect of my life... money, health, parents, money. The only bright light in my life... my wonderful husband and beautiful children. If I can just be with them, and not face reality, it is a good day.

Yep

So, I did not get a darn thing done today. Oh well. Tomorrow I have my doctors appointment, and we plan on bug bombing the house, so we will have to stay in town for a bit. I need to get the rest of the fabric for the babies bedding, and take it to my mother-in-law, so we will do that too. After that, we NEED to get going on the head board and dresser. My only concern, the heat was too much to do it outside today. I think the basement will be wiser.

Off to do the laundry!!!

Things to do this weekend...

Well, I am not really aloud to do anything, but... John is going to bring Bella's new headboard up from the basement and Jackson's dresser too. This way we can paint outside without the fumes. Keeping Bella out of it may be a problem thought. I can paint these things while sitting in a chair, so it is not a big deal if I do it. Plus, being outside is better too. Once we get that done, (seeing that today is John's Friday, and I am running low on time here) we will do the touch up paint in Jackson's room. There are only a handful of spots that need fixed. No big whoop. Then I can draw out the lighthouse and flags. If I don't paint them in the next few days, it will be ok. That is alot of work, and I don't need to over do it. Again, I can sit to paint the lighthouse, but I will need to stand to paint the flags. I am spelling his name out in nautical flags, and there is some detail to it. I want it to be perfect, so I want to take my time. If I need, I can have my husband paint them, but he and I have 2 different views of perfect. No, I will paint them.

The only other plan I have, is to work on the tan. Now that is doctor recommended!!!!

DDDRRRAAAMMMAAA

Ok... update...again. So Thursday started, and midway through was, normal enough. I had called the doctor like I mentioned, at 8:30, and finally I got a call back at 3:30. My question for them was should I stop taking the BP meds, change them or just deal with it. Her response was... are you having contractions still? I had to admit that I had had a few that afternoon. She said she wanted me to (as usual) lay on my left side, and drink 2 big glasses of water. If I had 4 or more in an hour, I was to go to the hospital. Well, guess what happened? That's right, I had 6 in an hour, and by the time we found a baby sitter, I took a shower, and were in the car, I was having them more often. I still thought it was stupid to be going to the hospital, especially since I was scheduled to work at 6:30, but I went. Had to humor the husband and OB nurse.

When we got there, the nurse made me get in a gown, and hooked me up to the monitors. I was having them like every 5 minutes, but for some reason they were not showing up on the monitor. It did not make any sense to me, and I don't think the nurse thought I was telling the truth. I decided to move the monitor to where I was feeling the contractions (after she left the room) and sure enough, they started showing up. She came back in and did the same swab test that was done in the doctors office last week, and then checked my cervix. My cervix is still closed on the inside, but is open to 1 1/2 cm on the outside, and according to them, is super soft and thin. That's when they decided it was time to deal with the contractions, and gave me a super strong and quick dose of the meds I am already on. It seemed to work, at first. Turns out I had to take a second dose within a specific time, and the nurse did not get the pill to me on time. My contractions that had stopped, kicked in super hard and under 2 minutes apart. I was scared. I thought it was over. The second pill slowed them down, but it took a shot of something else to stop them completely. We checked in to the hospital at like 5, and did not get to leave until 11. The shot they gave me had a side effect, she said it would feel like I had 2 too many cups of coffee, but it was like 10 too many cups. It was gross, did not care for it at all. But it worked, and very quick. They stopped 100% within 10 minutes, at most.

They are telling me that they don't think I was in preterm labor, but that I was having preterm contractions that lead to labor. AKA, good thing I went in. In the mean time, I have been told that I will not be going back to work this week, and at my appointment on Monday we will discuss if I will be going back at all. Also they upped my dosage of meds from 30mg twice a day, to 60mg twice a day. I am not all that convinced that I will be going back to work, but that is not up to me. I am also being told that this baby will most likely be here in the next 30 days. I am not due for 70 days. I am freaking out. Too much to do still.

Waiting, waiting, waiting

So I worked last night on the bp meds, and my legs started turning red, and purple. They did not really swell or get all that hot, but the color was disturbing. I have put a call into the doctor about it already (around 8:30am), so I am sure I will hear from them around 4pm tonight!!! My problem now... if they don't call in the next hour or so, I will have to take the pill for the day, and will have to deal with it again tonight. Last night I ended up sitting at self checkout for 2.5 hours, and only walked around for 1.5 hours. Tonight I am scheduled as a cashier, so I will either make signs, or work at SCO again. Either way you look at it, I will be sitting down the majority of the time. Tomorrow, however, I am head cashiering, so I will be on my feet for 4.5 hours. I really hope they call in order of who called them, I had to have been one of the first to call today!!!

Oh yeah, that is it

So it just dawned on me the feelings that I have been having. I feel like I am being robbed of my last pregnancy. I feel like I can not do any of the things that a normal pregnant woman can do. I can not just have ice cream, or go for a hike with the family, or even finish the babies room. I like people to fuss over me while I am pregnant, but not in the way they are doing it now. I don't like being told "you can't do that", I hate knowing I can not lift that, or push this. This is my last pregnancy, and it is special to me because of that. Each of my pregnancies have been special, but this being my last, I wanted certain things from it. I wanted to spontaneously go into labor, and have the daily worries of when it is going to happen (but not at 28 weeks). I wanted to have the cute pregnancy clothes, but when you are on the couch all day, what is the freaking point. I am just glad that we decided before getting pregnant, that this was going to be our last pregnancy. I don't think it wise to have anymore pregnancies.

Quickest weekend ever...

So today is my Monday. I hate Monday. The meds I am on for the contractions has a horrible side effect... it causes all the blood to rush to my legs whenever I stand up for longer for 2 minutes. They turn beet red, pound and get really hot. The only way it goes away, is when I sit and put my legs up. Now how the hell am I going to deal with that one?!?!?! When is this madness going to end? I am going to work tonight, as usual, and see how it goes. If it becomes an issue, I will call the doctor tomorrow morning and see if they want me to continue taking the meds. The contractions have stopped, but that could just be the meds. What to do, what to do. I know my blood pressure is ok, I had Mark come over Sunday night and check it when my legs were the worst, and he said it is normal. John keeps saying "your going to be on bed rest soon", but I just think being home taking it easy, like I have the last 2 days, will be good enough.

Only time will tell. Again.

Shouldn't you be working?

Mothers day 2009

My mothers day started at 4:45am when I woke up 15 minutes before my alarm clock went off. I hate that. I got up, took a long shower, and got ready for my long day. I had to work 6:30-3:30. It went really well though, I was worried I would be really sore or tired but it went well. Even with my cold.

Everyone is really cool about the fact that I am not all that mobile right now. The only down side to working most of the day, is my legs turn really red and start to swell the second I stand up. When John saw them, he could only say... "your not going to be working much longer". I think he is right. They get really hot, and turn red like a bad sun burn. I guess that means I have to sit on the recliner the rest of the night. Darn. Ps, I have had a few very strong contractions in the last few hours, don't tell John.

For mothers day my boys cleaned out the green house for me, and bought me seeds and dirt. They worked very hard for many days on it. It looks sooo good in there. I have never been in there before, I was afraid of the spiders. They were too, so they bug bombed the day before they cleaned it out. Now it is bug free, for now. Anyway, Spencer and I were going to plant some of the seeds, but with what my legs are doing, John is going to take him for a bike ride to keep him busy until bed time. Maybe he will forget, yeah right.

Mommy's bad mood

I am in such a bad mood. I wish I could just go to bed and not be bothered for the day. The kids are driving me nuts, and I don't feel good. I really wish I had taken Brandy up on not working the rest of the week. Oh well, how was I to know I would get a cold. Whatever.

Ok, here goes.

So someone at my doctors office called. They say I can go back to work, but they want me to wait until Saturday. To be honest, I am not all the convinced that my doctor wants me to go to work. I got the feeling on Tuesday that she wanted me to not work again at all. But I told her that we are having some money issues, and that I just can not afford to not work right now. She understood. I am sure if it gets ANY worse, I will not be working much longer. I want to keep a positive attitude about it, but it is so hard to think that going there could do some damage to my baby boy. Stress stress stress, every where I go.

Still waiting!! I know, patients is a virtue. Ps, I was not having contractions until a little bit ago, and now I have had 3 in the last 60 minutes. Don't tell John.

I am back

So I really don't know any more now than I did earlier. I do know that my cervix has not gotten any more thin, nor has it opened any more in the last 24 hours. That is a very good thing. I also know that the ultrasound tech said that it looks good on the inside. Also, I know that my fluid level is really high again, at 23. Again 8-20 is normal.

I don't know if I mentioned this in the last blog today, but I feel as if the baby (aka I) have dropped. My stomach has changed shape, and is now lower and smaller. That worried my doctor, but the fact that my cervix has not changed is a good thing. I am not to go to work tomorrow, but will know about future work when we get the results of the swab test tomorrow. They know how much I want to hear from them about it, but I don't anticipate hearing from them any time before lunch, only because it is a 24 hour test.

So again... I don't know much more. There are no real answers for me at this point. We will see about working when we get the results back tomorrow. I don't think she wants me working thought. We are looking at our supplemental insurance, and getting reimbursed for not working from them. I also have short term disability with my work, so I will be cashing that in as soon as I am put on leave. Tune in tomorrow for more.

Me

So the back pain has slowed down. I am still getting a few now and then, but not like yesterday. The trade off... I am getting full on contractions. They are not consistent, but they are there, and have been all morning. I am scared. This baby can not come this early. I read up on what the test the doctor is going to run today is. They take a swab to my cervix, and that will tell them if I am going to give birth within the next 2 weeks or not. This test takes 24 hours to come back, so we will not know until tomorrow, at the earliest. I assume they consider that an ASAP sort of test, so I hope to hear from them right away. I hope to know about the ultrasound today. I don't see why they can not answer that question today. I know they are there until 5, and my appointment is at 4, so that is enough time to do it and read it. In my opinion.

I will blog more about it all tonight after my appointment. I am sure I will be stuck on the couch, and will have nothing else to do anyway!!!

Up date on my pregnancy

I have been having contractions since Sunday night. I don't know what has started them, I just know I am dealing them now. I had my 28week appointment today, so I waited until my appointment time to go in, however, I should have gone in this morning when the back pain started. Turns out my cervix is shortening, and the outside is opening. I have to go in for some tests tomorrow, and you guessed it, another ultrasound. I have been put on meds to stop the contractions, and we are going to make the bed rest call tomorrow after they get a look at the ultrasound. I knew something was wrong. I just knew it.

The contractions have slowed down, they were every 10 minutes, all day long. Now they are one or two an hour. The pills must be working. I am super worried. How am I going to be a mommy if I am stuck in bed. How am I going to pay my bills? Looks like Grand Coulee is off for us this year too. I am just glad I made it through Spencer's birthday party without any problems. My doctors goal as of right now, is to get me to 35 weeks, then let my body take over at that point. For those of you doing the math, that is 6 1/2 weeks. 6 1/2 FREAKING WEEKS. The baby's room is not ready. I have not finished Bella's bed, she is still sleeping on the crib mattress. I am freaking out. I knew this was going to happen, I called it along time ago. I said I had 30 weeks to get it done, and here I am at 28 1/2, and my time is up.

The big party

So tomorrow is Spencer's 7th birthday party. Wow. 7th birthday party. My baby is getting so old. It makes me sad to even look at his young man face. I still sneak into his room every night at look at him sleeping. That is when he still looks like my baby. I miss the baby Spencer. What a delightful little boy that was. He still is, but it is different now. Now I am always wrong, guess I should get use to that one though. Any day now I will be embarrassing him.

Any way, as I am sure you know, I have been cleaning all week. Well, to be honest, the house was fairly clean from the painting party still. I did so much deep cleaning with that party, that this in only surface cleaning. John got the yard done yesterday, and the porch is all cleaned off. I have to work tonight, but I should have most of my work done by then. I think I will save cleaning the floors until tomorrow, and decorating. Decorating is the best part!!!! I thought ahead this year, and the party is not until 4pm tomorrow. I will have all freaking day to get the last minute touches done. I just wish John had tomorrow off, but he has to work until 2ish. Then he has to pick up Uncle Tim and all the balloons.

This years theme... A night at the movies. It is a sleep over. We have a movie projector and a popcorn machine on the way. The party starts at 4, but the sleep over portion is starting at 7. That way kids can come to the party, but don't have to stay for the sleepover. I gave the kids 3 choices of movies, but there is only time for 2. The Dog Hotel, The Sandlot, and Kung Fu Panda. I hope they choose The Sandlot, that movie is soooo funny, and it is right at their age.

OOOPS, first batch of cupcakes are done, have to go!!!