My new baby

So Jackson and I have been 2 people for just over a week now. He was one week yesterday. I love that little boy so much. He is so beautiful, and on top of that, a really good baby. Or am I just a really good mommy. Tough call!!! I am sitting here typing at 1:35am waiting for him to wake up, because I was not sleepy when he went to sleep at 12ish. Today was not a normal day. I ended up back in the hospital last night because of high blood pressure. What a crappy night. I was hooked up to an IV all night and all day and given blood pressure meds that made me feel all weird. On top of that med, I was also given multiple narcotics for the headache that took me to the ER in the first place. There was a point this morning that I could not move. At all. All the meds had taken it all out of me. That being said, John and Jackson stayed in the room with me last night. I had to have John stay there if Jackson was going to stay because I could not take care of him on my own, and they were not responsible for him any more. That was fine because I did not want John to go, and I really did not want Jackson to go. The poopy side... John had to go to work today, so the baby had to go home. My mom has been here since Tuesday taking care of the me and the kids (side note... John did not think I could do it alone, cute huh??), so she had to watch all 3 kids alone. Had it not been for the drugs and being in a coma all day, I would have worried all day long.

My milk had come in in the last few days, but you don't really realize it until you can not feed your baby every 2-3 hours. I was able to pump at one point during the day, but by the time John came to pick me up, I was leaking all over the place. When I got home, Jackson was sleeping and was not hungry. I leaked forever!!! When he finally woke up he just snacked all night, and then when it was time to put him down for the night, he was not hungry. Damn it. That leaves me where I am now. Number 1... I could not get rid of that freaking headache that sent me to the hospital in the first place, so I drank a Mt. Dew and loaded up on ibuprofen. Now I am not sleepy. Number 2... I slept all day at the hospital and again, now I am not sleepy. The only thing getting me through this... my mom is here until Saturday night, and I can nap tomorrow when Bella is napping. Nice.

I have been sleeping on the couch since Saturday when we came home. Our bed is too high and with the c-section I could not get in or out without John's help and a ton of pain. Not to mention the heat. It has just been the best place for me. I wanted to move back up stairs tonight, but with the mix up in our little schedule we sort of had going until yesterday hit the fan, the baby was not having it. I guess I will try it again tomorrow night. I really want a good nights sleep in my bed. Maybe John will stay up with the baby one night this weekend.

My birth story

I guess I will start with my 39 week ob appointment on Tuesday last week. I talked the doctor I saw into seeing if there were any appointments open at the hospital for an induction. She said they would call me if there was, and there was. I was super excited that I had a 7:30 appointment Wednesday morning. You would think that I would have been up all night, but I actually got a few hours of sleep, thanks to some sleeping pills. I called at 6am to double check that we were still on, and we were.

We got to the hospital at 7:30 on the dot, after rearranging cars and kids. I checked in, and was taken right to my room .I wad hooked up to all the machines, and given my IV and by 8:30 was getting the pitocin. I really started feeling the contractions around 11, but was dealing with them rather nicely. I had a visit from the doctor on call around 9, and was told that I was still 2-3cm and that the baby was really high still. She did not want to break my water because of it.

After a few more hours of laboring, the nurse checked me again, and said that I was about 4cm, and that the babies head was still really high. I was doing good, and did not want to get the epidural yet, so I kept laboring. She was sure that my water was going to break soon, so I was not surprised when I felt a gush about 30 minutes later. This is where it is going to get icky, so if you don't want to hear the details, don't read on any more. When I felt my "water" break, I felt other stuff coming out too. Lots of stuff. It did not feel like water, and I was terrified. I called my nurse and she came right in. She lifted up my blanket and I quickly asked if it was clear water. She only said no. She stood there for a minutes just looking, I could tell she was thinking what to do. I was really worried because I thought that there was meconium. Turns out what I thought was my water, was a huge gush of blood, and the stuff I felt was huge clots. She changed my bedding, and said she was calling the doctor. The doctor checked out my last ultrasound and said there was no reason for the bleeding except for my placenta detaching. The doctor said she would be there soon, the clinic closed at 5, and she was there at 5:30. By this time I had gotten my epidural and for the first time EVER it worked. It was the best! I felt some pressure at the peek of my strongest contractions, but no pain. It was nice. The nurse had talked me into thinking that everything was ok, so I just relaxed and spent some quiet time with my mom and Husband.

Around 5:15 John's mom wanted to come in the room, so I sent him out to get him, and while he was gone the doctor showed up to check me. She said that I was almost 5, but that my water had not broke. She pulled out a huge clot while checking me, and the look on the faces of the nurse and doctor freaked me out. She said that she could break my water but that we took the chance that the cord would rush through as the water did. That has always been my biggest fear about my water breaking, but if the doctor was comfortable with it, then I was to. John at this time was in the hall just outside of the door with his mom, my mom had her back to us so she did not see my stuff, and the doctor broke my water. Now keeping in mind the extra amount of fluid I have had in this pregnancy, I knew that when it broke it was go everywhere. Oh my god, did it. The doctor and the nurse were sitting on my bed when the did it, and I have never seen 2 people jump up so quickly. The doctor grabbed my legs, concerned about my socks (funny right) and the water flowed. She checked me right away, and she started to freak out. She kept saying to the nurse "that's the cord isn't it! is that the cord?!" The nurse checked me and agreed that the cord had come out.

That is when it hit the fan. There were so many people in that room so quickly. My nurse had to physically hold Jackson's head off of the cord. She was on the end of my bed, and she was scared. I yelled for John and he ran in. Looking into his eyes I did not have to say a word to him. He and I were terrified. They unhooked me and started pushing me out of the room, to the operating room. My mom was at the door and she grabbed my hand and hugged me as they rushed me by. The OR was just a room or two away, and they told John to get dressed and to wait at the door. When they got me in there, they had to give me a spinal block, luckily I had gotten the epidural when I did, or they would have had to knock me out. It took over 10 minutes for them to get their stuff together and to get me numb. When they started cutting me, John was told he could not come in. I later found out it was because I was not numb and because I could feel them cutting into me. They had him locked in a room directly across the hall from me. I could see him through the window on my door, and through his door. We kept eye contact and it was like he was right there with me. I have never felt so close to him ever in my life. They were in had had my beautiful baby out within 5 minutes. That is when I finally went numb all the way, and they let John come in the room. They cleaned Jackson up, and John carried him to me. I have never cried when I was handed my new born baby before. I was so scared, but when I saw how beautiful and healthy he was I just let it all go. John and I and our son were alone at that point, or so it felt. John was told it was time to go clean up the baby, and they finished the operation. It was all over from the doctor checking me to being wheeled into recovery in 1 hour.

I thought I was going to die on that table. I was afraid of leaving my husband, and my beautiful babies. I was thinking of my mom, and how I did no even said goodbye. When it was over and the baby was ok, I felt relaxed.

When I was rolled into recovery the nurse that I was with all day was still in charge of me. She saved my babies life, and I can not ever forget her for that. I was in recovery for 2 hours. Because I could feel them cutting me, he over numbed me and it took 2 hours longer than normal to come out of it. John and Jackson came in to visit me about 45 minutes into it. I could not hold him, because I could not feel all of my arms. I did not get to hold him until 8:30 that night. My mom was waiting for me in my room when I was ok to go there. I have yet to talk to her about this all yet, it is still too new and it makes me sad to think about it, but I hope to hear her side of the story someday.

This is not the birth story I intended on, but the outcome is. My baby is one of the most beautiful things in the world. I love him so much.

On the way to the hospital

I am about 10 minutes away from getting in the shower. My last shower as the mother of 2. My last shower as a pregnant woman, ever. I am so excited. I can not wait to meet this baby. It has been the quickest pregnancy ever, but the last 4 weeks were the longest part of it. It has been a trying pregnancy, so many things thrown at me. But we came through. I only can hope that I did not give this baby diabetes. I will never forgive myself if he is sick because I could not control myself.

Well, I am off. I am going to give birth today. No big deal. :)

A good day to have a baby

So it looks like I have been written in on the inductions list at the hospital for tomorrow morning. According to the person that called me, it is in pen, not pencil. Nice. I am so excited, but nervous all the same. I am excited because this is the first induction I have gone into being almost 3cm dilated already. I just hope it is not a super duper long labor. Man, I am still in shock that it is going to happen tomorrow. They did say there was a 5% chance of being bumped, due to other moms needing to be induced before me. I am high priority because of the gestational diabetes, so I don't think I will be bumped. If I am, it will be hours, not days.

I am having a hard time getting my kids watched though. I have Ashley that said she would help, but I am not sure to what extent she has available. Still waiting on that answer. Also, the neighbors are here for us if we need them. I only need someone to watch them tomorrow (all day) and tomorrow night. I think, if the baby comes at a decent time tomorrow, that John can come home to be with the kids, or take them somewhere else on Thursday for a few hours. I would like a little help at the hospital Thursday night too, but if no one will watch them, John will just have to stay home with them.

Lets see... things I have to do today...

Pack bags for the 2 kids
Clean the bathroom
Have John put Jackson's blinds up
Take all the trash out
Put the trash can out for trash day
Empty the dishwasher
Dog proof the house
Repack my hospital bag
Mop the kitchen floor
Ask Mark or Kyla to kick the cats out at night
Send out gas and car payments

Ok, I think that is all I have to do. I hope. I took care of everything else, OMG, I forgot to get a nursing bra. I should go right now and get one, but that means a trip all the way to Olympia.

I am going to have a baby tomorrow!!!!

39 weeks pregnant

I still don't get what is going on here. Why am I still pregnant. I am super frustrated. I just want to have my baby. I want it to be stress free and wonderful, and if he doesn't come in the next day or so, it will not be that way. John has worked the last 6 days, and will do the same this week too. He has covered for Brett and Matt's vacations. It would be perfect if he could have the last part of next week off to stay home with me and the kids.

I am going to take my mind off of being pregnant by going to the Lakefair parade this evening. I only hope I can find a good parking spot and don't have to walk too far. Tomorrow we have to go to a Cub Scout BBQ, so that should take my mind off of it too. I hope. Tomorrow night is the Lakefair fireworks, and we will do that too.

I have an appointment Tuesday morning, and I will tell them I want to be induced that day. I will not wait until 40 weeks. I just don't see how it is going to be proactive for Jackson and I to wait any longer. Frankly, I just don't see why I have not been induced, or at least scheduled for induction, by now. I was told that I would be induced in the 39th week, because of his size, and then last Monday she said that my cervix was not ready. I was not dilated at all with Spencer, and I was induced with him. Induced with Bella too, so what is the problem. I was 2-3 cm on Monday, and 60% effaced. How is that not induceable. Anyway, I have bitched about that already, so I digress.

I have spent the last 3 days cleaning the house. I deep cleaned the kitchen, dining room and living room. Last night I took the rug outside and pressured washed it. I am not so sure how that is going to work out for it thought. It is still super wet, and I am afraid that it will stink when it finally drys. I think my plan backfired. I have a rug in my room that I will bring downstairs if it does stink when it, if it, finally drys. I should go buy a new one, but they are on the expensive side. I might swing by the Walmart tonight and check them out. I don't want anything fancy, just something to put on the floor to put the baby on when he comes. Hardwood floors just are not that comfy to sit on, and for some reason, I always end up on the floor with the kids when they are babies.

Sick things that happen to you when your pregnant

So I totally lost my mucus plug this morning!! I am sure there is more up there, but a big ol' chunk came out this morning. I am super excited. I spent the day cleaning my kitchen yesterday. Could that be the "sudden burst of energy" they speak of?

I literally woke up and got to work. I started by folding all the laundry in the house. My normal thing to do is to wash it, dry it and just put it on the kitchen table. It is such a pain in the ass to find anything. Stuff falls on the ground, the cats sleep on it and it all gets hairy. I hate it. I wish I had the energy to fold/hang it and put it away, but I don't. John and I once made a deal (that has never really be followed threw on) that if I washed/dried/folded/hung the laundry, he would put it all away. I am fine with that, but if I spend the time doing all that work, I want the laundry put away that day. Not sitting around, being moved 30 times getting all messed up and unfolded. Anyway, my point to this is that there was at least 10 loads of laundry sitting on and near the table. Not to mention the loads that still needed to be washed. I got it all done. Well, I have had to wash 2 this morning because the family dirties clothes like crazy. Know what I just thought of... 5 people + 5 showers/baths a day= 1 load of towls a day. When I was done with the laundry, I washed the bench and table. Then I swept under everything and organized the laundry area. It looks amazing over there. I was not done yet! I did all the dishes, cleaned off the fridge and microwave (the 2 places we put random stuff), cleaned under the toaster, around the canisters and cleaned the drip pans on the stove. My kitchen (minus the floor, I could not stand by the time I was done, so I could not mop) looks amazing. I know feel that I can have this baby, and someone can come over and watch my kids without me being mortified about my house. I just have to clean the bathroom and the house will be perfect. My room does not count!! It is not dirty, just not perfect. Ok, it is a bit dirty. By the time I was done, it was in the 5pm hour. I did take a few sit down for 5 minute breaks, and a 30 minute nap just so I could keep going.

I am tired of looking at the signs of impending labor, because I have had them for weeks and weeks. I am not going to read too much into either one of the ones I have had in the last few days.

Past coming to the present

So recently I have been put back into contact with some old friends. One of the two seems to be doing amazing. I loved the hour conversation we had via the internet the other night. I keep thinking about her, and just how much I miss her in my life. She was truly something special, and the fact that I don't have her anymore is sad. The other one I have yet to have a real conversation with, so I am not sure how that one is going to go. I am not all that convinced that much has changed there, nor that we will have all that much in common. I am curious, so I will keep going until I get more answers there, but again, I do not have my hopes up there.

The friends I have now keep telling me I spend too much time on Facebook, and that the internet is my life. But how could something so bad have gotten me in touch with so many cool people. I have had more conversations with family in the last months than I have in the last few years. I have made friends with and have had fun talks with John's family, that doesn't even live in the country! Being locked up in this house because of the pregnancy, and lack of money, I don't know what I would have done with out this damn computer. I love the blogs, Facebook and Myspace. Sure I could pick up the phone as easy as the computer, but I prefer it this way.

On the bright side of things

I forgot, I did get my short term disability check today. It only took them 6 weeks to get it to me! It could not have come at a better time. It brings me to the quote of my life (that I should probably keep in mind as I sit here still pregnant)... EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. My family and I will always be provided for, when in the most need.

Whatever

So I had my 38 week appointment today. It went well, not. I am only 2-3 cm dilated, and 60% effaced. Sure that is better than last week, but to me, it is not good enough. She also told me that I am not ready to be induced. What the hell does that mean? How can a woman be "not ready to be induced". I have a vagina, and there is a baby up there, to me it would seen inducible enough!!! She was going to set an induction date, but after checking my cervix, and determining that it was not ready, she said that she doesn't want to talk about induction until at least next Monday. The problem there, I will not be able to see her again the rest of my pregnancy. She is out of town next week, and the week after I will be 40 weeks, and as far as I know (unless they change their minds AGAIN) they will not let a woman with GD go over 40 weeks. He is already estimated to be around 8 1/2 pounds. That will put him at 9 1/2 pounds at 40 weeks. Ridiculous. So I guess my uterus is in the hands of another doctor. Fun.

So, here is my conclusion. I give up. I no longer care. Whatever Jackson. Come tonight, or be induced in 2 weeks. I don't care anymore. I just plain give up. But mark my words young man, you better not be a 10 pound baby the requires a c-section, or there will be some talking between you and I.

Disappointed, to say the least.

38 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I am not going to lie. I am quite disappointed. I am still enjoying being pregnant, feeling this big baby move around inside of me, but I want to see him and hold him. I want my baby. I only have a few days more to wait, I know, I get that, but I am so sick of the waiting. If someone could just say "Cori, you will go into labor on July (fill in the blank) at 4pm", that would be amazing. I hate not knowing. I hate that I am going to miss out on Devon's wedding tomorrow because I can not chance leaving. I (again) do not want to be induced, so come on already.

I have been having strong contractions for 2-3 days that are every 30-45 minutes. But they always stop. They are very strong too, so what is the problem? I am afraid that every day he stays in there, he is going to be that much harder to get out of there.

37 weeks, on the 4th of July

Well, tomorrow is the 4th of July, and I am going to miss out on my family event. I am so sad about it, but I am going to be wise and just stay close to home. I think we will go to lake cushman, only 40 minutes from home and go swimming. I tried my swim suit on today, and yack. It looks horrible. I am not too sure what I am going to wear, but I AM GOING SWIMMING. I have wanted to go in a pool for months now.

I have to say that there is no sign this baby is coming any time soon. I feel fine all day, but when 5pm rolls about my tummy starts to get tight and I start to have contractions. Same thing, every freaking day. I only have 2 weeks to have this baby naturally, or the doctor is going to induce me. Come on people, send me good vibes. I need to go into labor on my own.