Friday, November 28, 2008

Lazy day

I am sure that there is something that I should be doing, but I am not going to do it. I just don't feel like doing anything today. I should have cleaned the house this morning, but there is still time to straiten up when Bella wakes up. I don't want to wake her up until she is ready, she has been a real bear lately, and naps are a nice escape from her. She must be going through a growth spurt.

We are going to get our tree on Sunday. I am super excited. I wont get off work until 1, so that will put us leaving around 2ish. We are going with the neighbors, not sure where, but I hope it is not too far away. I need it to still be light out when we get home. I would like to start putting light up. Well, now that I think about it, I think we will just put the tree up and decorate it. Spencer has school Monday, and I will be decorating the rest of the house Monday and Tuesday. Knowing me, it will take me until Wednesday to get it all done. Monday will be dedicated to outside lights. That is the only day that we can realistically do the lights, perhaps Tuesday night when John gets home we can finish. I am hoping that his dad will come over and help figure out what we can do about our electrical situation. We have a grand total of 4 plugs, not 4 outlets, but 4 plugs. We can only plug in 4 extension cords. It is challenge doing it, but we managed it last year. I am positive we can do it this year too. John wants to do some cool things in the yard part (must talk in code, neighbors might be reading, and we are in a competition!!!), and I have come up with a few sweet things to do on the porch and the fence. The fence may cost a pretty penny, but I am willing to splurge on that one part of it. I think it will only cost me $30 more to do what I want to do on the fence. I will be making some of the decorations, I have said too much. Don't worry, I will be posting a poop load of pictures. I will have to wait until nest weekend to work on the hand made stuff, there is just not going to be enough time between then and now. Maybe Wednesday or Thursday during Bella's nap I can make it down to the basement to work on my projects. OOOHHH too many things to, and not enough time. I wish I had not sat on my big fat butt today, I could have gotten a ton of stuff done for decorating. Oh well, I have to go do some laundry for work tonight. TTFN!!!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving 2008

For Thanksgiving we went to Aunt Barb's house. We had a good time, and good food!!! Here are some pictures!!











Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I love it when a plan comes together!!!

So this year I am not putting any unnecessary stress on myself when it comes to Christmas shopping. For the last few years John and I have been the last ones to get anything, as parents usually are, when the money ran out we just made due with what we had. This year I started buying the kids presents early, so that we would have money left over for the little things... the tree, any extra decoration I may want and our gifts. I am super excited about the gift I have gotten John. I still have a few more rad things to get for him, and this will officially be the best Christmas he has ever had!! You can quote me on that!!

Don't even get me started on Spencer's gift. I can tell you what I am getting him, be can read but is not quite smart enough to read this... so... we are getting him a guinea pig!!!! I could not be any more excited about it!! My super awesome neighbor knows a person that is giving us a baby one!! I am not sure if it is a "baby" one, or just a younger one. I guess they had some babies born this week, but they would not be ready in time. John got his weekly bonus today, and it is more than enough to pay for the cage and all the supplies for our new little piggy!!! The neighbors are also soooooo RAD, that they will actually be watching the piggy for us for a few weeks!! Too cool, huh!! I can not wait to see the look on Spencer's face when he opens that gift on Christmas morning. Best Christmas ever!!! I am not going for quantity this year, but for quality. Bella is getting a super present too, she will be getting a Bear Mill cat, and a backpack to carry it around in! I know, not as cool as Spencer's gift, but when she is older, she will get better gifts. She still has no clue what Christmas is. Not to mention, I have been stricken with the problem my mom has had all these years, a birthday the week of Christmas. Very hard!!! Will get more hard!!! Thank God we have a big family that goes crazy at Christmas and birthday time!!

FYI- TO FAMILY THAT BUYS ME GIFTS... CHRISTMAS, BIRTHDAY OR FUTURE BABY SHOWERS!!...I need gift cards for The Home Depot!! I have lots of bedrooms that need painted and trimmed out now!!! I had planned on going all out on Bella's room, but now I have a new bedroom that will need to be done too, and I can not go crazy on 2 rooms with our income. I told my mom she should get me a gallon of semi-gloss white paint for Christmas!!! I can always have it tinted when I know what "Twinkle" is going to be!!! We were luck enough that Spencer's room was painted a blueish green color when we moved in. Bella's is yellow, but I would love nothing more than to put it back to the way I had it at the old house, pink on the top and green on the bottom. If "Twinkle" is a boy, I am doing a sea theme in the down stairs bedroom, if it is a girl, I have no idea as of this point. I may do the sea theme, but make it a bit more girlie with some dolphins, mermaids ect...

I am pretty excited that today is my Monday, then I get a day off!! I was going to work all day Saturday and Sunday, but we are going to get our Christmas tree a week early this year, and are going on Sunday. That being said, I am now getting off at 1, not 4:30, so the sun will still be up. I am not sure where we are going, but I know that neighbors have been there before and are excited to take us. I also can not wait. Maybe we can have hot cocoa when we get home!! I can not wait to decorate this year. I am going to use all the decoration that I could not sell. I love them and they will go with my decoration. My colors this year are red, green and white. I will have the Elvis tree in our room, with all my lovely Elvis decorations in there for me to see when I wake up. The living room with be red, green and white. I am not sure, but I would love to have another tree in the kitchen with the family ornaments on it, but that will be the first tree that goes if money does not allow.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Little baby "Twinkle"


Today I am 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant. They consider that in my 6th week. I know, hard to keep track of huh??? Any way, here is what "Twinkle" should look like between now and this time next week.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Me so sleepy

I am sick and tired of being so freaking sleepy. I understand that you get tired while your pregnant, but I am having a hard time even cleaning the house. I need a dose of energy, but that is the one thing you can not have while pregnant. I have switched to half decaf in the mornings, and I have to have 2 cups to get the energy I need, but that only lasts until lunch. John is due home at 6:30ish, and I have to have the house clean for him, but I just don't know how the heck I am going to do that. If it wasn't for Spencer, nothing would get done. He said something to me today that really sent me into a depression. He said, "why aren't you as happy as you use to be, you never smile anymore". I wonder if he is right. Am I not as happy as I was, or am I just really sleepy. As crazy as it sounds, I am hopping that the holidays will get me going. I will not be in my second trimester until January, so my energy will not pick up until then. I just hope I can muster up the energy to decorate for Christmas. I have decided to not "do up" Bella's birthday, it is going to be a simple party. I only hope I am not judged for it.

Anyway, I have to go do the dishes, laundry and straiten up the kitchen before John gets home.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Spencer is on Santa's nice list!!

http://family.go.com/santas-list/video/6951-supercori/

You guys have to check this link out, very cute. I can not wait to ready your comments on it!!!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Huh

The second I found out I was pregnant with Bella, I felt the bond. I loved her the second the test turned positive. I am finding that I am not feeling that this time. I feel guilty about it, but there is just not a bond yet. I did not feel the bond with Spencer, and it took me a few weeks after he was born to feel it. My theory with this is... I wanted to get pregnant with Bella sooo bad, and it took so long. To finally get what I had tried so hard for, was the most rewarding feeling I have ever had. This pregnancy sort of just happened (do not mistake this for an accidental pregnancy, we calculated and planed this baby too, just like the other 2). I did not expect it to happen so quickly, or frankly, did not expect it to happen at all. Am I tempting the fates having one more baby? I am not exactly a young chicken prime for reproducing. What if this one is not healthy. I have never been soo worried before about such a happy event. I am not a religious woman, but I will be talking to God allot about this, and praying for a happy, healthy pregnancy and birth.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Twinkle twinkle little star,
do you know how loved you are?
stars Pictures, Images and Photos
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Wednesday, November 19, 2008



As crazy as it sounds, this is what "Twinkle" is going to look like Saturday. Cute huh!? I still can not get over the weird feelings I am having. I am so freaking beat. I don't even know what I am doing blogging, I should be in bed. I am telling you, mornings come so early now. At least I only have to get up early one day a week, the other days I get up at 8 or later. It is a cold night, and bed sounds sooo good. I only wish we had a electric blanket, I would be all up in that right now!!! Good night all!!
Ps, our anniversary was nice. Nice quiet dinner, followed by a stress free movie event. Perfect night, perfect man.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Our 8th Anniversary

Wow, 8 years today. Being 30 makes me feel old, but saying I have been married for 8 years really really makes me feel old. Wow, 8 years. OMG, 30 years old, married 8 years and mother of 3!!!! Ok, that freaks me out a bit.

I have allot of work to do for tonight. I want wash the bedding, I have to do the dishes and finish cleaning the kitchen too. I also want to put the laundry away. It will be nice to come home to a clean house tonight. I have purchased a nice little outfit to wear tonight too!! Nod nod wink wink!! I bought it before I found out I was pregnant, and it has a slit up the front, so ironically it will work for my entire pregnancy. Or as long as I am feeling some what sexy. I know Uncle Peppy, TMI.

Tonight we are going out to dinner, probably Mexican. Then we are going out to see Role Models. Should be a nice night. My goal is for it to be stress free. If when I get home and there was no stress, I will be a happy camper. Wish me luck!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1)Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2)Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4)Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5)Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6)That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7)Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8)Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!

(9)Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Now that I can talk about it

Keeping my secret has been so hard. So many things to blog about. Lets start with my symptoms. With Spencer, the only symptom I had was me throwing up the night before the test was positive. Only once. I later has acne on my shoulders and back, but that is it. Best pregnancy ever!! With Bella, I really had little symptoms, except cramping during the entire pregnancy. Cramping is normal, especially for the second child. That time I did not have any puking, but from weeks 6-12 I felt a bit sick. I did not get acne either. Now, moving on to the middle and end of that pregnancy, I felt horrible. I had Braxton Hicks contractions all the time. My back hurt no matter what I did, even doing the dishes was hard. I was in so much pain that time. I think if I was stronger going into that pregnancy it would have been easier, but I was very weak (muscle wise that is).

That takes us to the last week and a half. I could have told you the second I "got pregnant". I don't mean in the bedroom, when you are in the process of conceiving, you don't "get pregnant" for a few days. I have been cramping all freaking month. I had my period cramps for a few days, then cramped really bad when I was ovulating, and then have been cramping for the last week from being pregnant. I have not puked, but sometimes I think I may. I am freaking exhausted this time too. I even spotted this time, where I never did that with my first 2 pregnancies. Again, spotting is ok, just telling mommy that baby has found it home for the next 36 weeks!! Now, I don't want you guys to think I am complaining, just comparing my symptoms.

I have decided that, this being my last pregnancy, I am going to take this one day at a time. I am sure I will be eating my words in 36 weeks, but I don't want to be induced. I want to be rushed to the hospital in labor!! Crazy I know, but I have always been induced. I have never gotten to experience the "am I in labor? Is this it?" part of being pregnant. If baby is not here for 37 weeks, then so be it. I hear that being pregnant a third time, you start showing faster, and that your ligaments are all stretched out making it more painful. I will not be leaving work until the last minute, I will use one of those motorized carts if I have to!!!! I, again, am going to take this one day at a time. I am totally looking forward to my maternity clothes though!! God bless elastic pants!!

BOY OR GIRL??
To be perfectly honest, I don't care. I have one of each already, so I am happy no matter what I get. I did not save any of Spencer's baby clothes, so if it is a boy I will have to get all new baby clothes. I did keep all of Bella's clothes, so it would be cheaper to have a girl. But as long as "Twinkle" (baby's name until we know what it is, Spencer named it) is healthy and everything goes as planned, I am one happy mommy!!!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I have something to say...

I want to start this blog by talking about my two lovely cousins. I want to tell Randi that I am proud of all the hard work you and your wonderful wife have done to get to your goal of having a family. I know how excited you both are, and only hope what I am about to say does not take away from your wonderful event.

Second, to Ryan. I love you and feel horrible for all the health issues you have had. I only hope that one day you see that you are a beautiful person that will make a wonderful mother. You may not get there the traditional way, but one day you will be a mommy.

Now to what I have to say. I am pregnant. John, Spencer, Bella and I are expecting a baby July 26th. We were surprised that our efforts were rewarded after only one month of trying, where as it took 18 months to conceive Bella. We really did not think it would happen this quickly, and to be honest, I did not think it would happen at all. I had to take meds to get Bella. Trying to have her was one of the most trying experiences I have ever dealt with. To have gotten pregnant the first try this time is crazy. I am still at a loss of words. Any way, there it is. My secret is out there for all the world to read. I look forward to you comments. Read all about the next 36 weeks of my life. Should be interesting to be a mother of 2 and pregnant.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Welcome Myspace readers...


I am glad to see that you have come to read my blogspot blog, Myspace readers. I am going to go to bed now, but check back Sunday night, and I will post some new stuff. Good night for now all!!!

Dude...

Dude, the internet is so slow today.

Dude, I have to clean my car out.

Dude, Bella is a messy eater.

Dude, I have soooo much on my mind.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A day to sit around

So John stayed home sick today. I guess he had a horrible headache. He went back to bed and now it is in check. I know how bad headaches can suck, and for his to stay home because he has one, it must have been bad.

I did, however, take advantage of him though. Get your heads out of the gutters, I mean I cleaned up stairs while he watched the kids (Spencer did not have school today). We have never really used our bathroom for showering, but we do use it for the usual reason (pee pee and poo poo). It has just been one of those rooms that I never really cared about, but I want to care about it so I cleaned the poop out of it, ha ha ha. It looks and smells so good. We still wont be using it for showers, there is no shower head in there. We use the shower downstairs because we can keep an eye on the kids while getting ready. I can not go up stairs and shower while Bella is downstairs by herself. My mind goes to the... what if she "fill in the blank with horrible thoughts". Now my bedroom and my bathroom are both beautiful.

I need to get the toy room back in order. I think what I need to do is go through the toys and toss like 80% of them. I told Amber that she has but no choice, she has to come over and help me. We only have 6 weeks (officially to day!!) until Christmas, and that is when all the new %&*# comes in the house. I hate making room for all the new stuff at Christmas, so getting rid of the old unused stuff now is a really good idea.

OMG, I just did the math for John, and we only have 42 days until Christmas, and only 19 days until we go get our Christmas trees (that is right, I said trees!!) I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! You would think that the magic of the Holiday season would have lost its sparkle for me, but it just hasn't. I love it. My new stress, however, is Bella's birthday. This year I am having it the Sunday after her actual birthday. That is the weekend the family will be in town, and for those of you reading this that are coming to my parents house, you are more than invited and would be sooo cool if you would come to the shindig!! Any way, back to my stress, I am torn between having a fancy party like I always do, and just having a simple party. I would feel so guilty if I half assed her party after the party that Spencer had this last time. I have, however, toned down the theme and am just going to have a Kitty theme this year. I don't want to spend a ton of money, there is not a ton of money to spend.

Well, I have blogged enough, and will blog at you later!! TTFN.

Monday, November 10, 2008

This ones for Amber...

Get off my back woman, here is a new blog.

I am wondering what is going on. Will it be yes, or will it be no. Tomorrow may tell us. A new feeling, this is, but welcome.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS
IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS
ON THE SOFA BEING A
COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE
IS HOME WITH ME AND
NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING
DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS
SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE
IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN
AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT
MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED
BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT
A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I
HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT
WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE
IT MEANS I AM OUT
IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS
MOWING, WINDOWS THAT
NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS
THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE
IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME. FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE
GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.. FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END
OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM
CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED
WITH TRANSPORTATION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME
IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.


FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.


FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT

THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I
HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.


FOR THE ALARM THAT
GOES OFF IN THE EARLY
MORNING HOURS BECAUSE
IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.


AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH
E-MAIL BECAUSE IT
MEANS I HAVE FRIENDS
WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.

Just what it is, I guess...

Did you ever notice that what ever it is that you need, seems to find you? My family has always been "blessed" in that way. What ever is needed is provided. For instance... my hours have been cut due to not enough money at The Home Depot (yeah right). I have gone from 31 to 22-23 a week. If you multiply that, it is about 175-200 less a pay check. That is a lot of money to be missing out on a month. At first that was very frustrating to me. I keep thinking " now what?", but you know what?... I am getting to spend more time with my family and that is worth more to me than 200 a paycheck. I will always find a way to pay the bills, and Christmas will be wonderful no matter how many boxes are under my tree. I love those 3 little butt holes ( John included in that statement), and being home with them has been wonderful.

I look forward to Christmas with a warm heart, and a cup of eggnog in my hand. I cant wait to drive around the neighborhoods looking at the lights (wishing we could see the cuz's house!!). Going to cut our tree down, we do live in The Christmas Town after all!! Putting the kids in their matching jammies on Christmas eve night, going to my parents house Christmas day. I love Christmas and the way it make me feel. I look forward to wrapping the presents while Spencer is at school, and while Bella is napping. Decorating the outside of our house, and kicking the neighbors butts in our little competition!! I want to send cards out to my family, and post all the cards I receive from them. Watching the UPS man drive up to drop off that last expected gift right in time, I live for that!! I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!

Well, I guess I should start by taking down the Halloween, and putting some turkeys out. ONLY 49 SLEEPS UNTIL CHRISTMAS, AND I NEED TO GET STARTED!!

PS, may I tell you that The Dollar Tree sells super cute Christmas wrapping paper, and yes, it is true, it is only a dollar a roll. I went crazy yesterday and will not need any paper for at least 2 Christmases!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Cub Scouts...

OMG. Cub Scouts is here at my house, right now. I am sick, so I am avoiding them in the bedroom, however, I would probably avoid them even if I was feeling well. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. It started around 11 this morning, it is like a burning feeling in my tummy, up high just under my boobs. I am is so much pain, and there is nothing I have taken that is making it ease up at all.

Cut Scouts are freaking loud!! They are running up and down the stairs, slamming doors. It is going to be a long hour and a half. I just hope Bella is a good girl, she is down stairs with the rest of them. I can not chase her around right now, I just feel to horrible. Our bedroom is so not baby proof. Bob is up here with me, he thinks it is too loud too. John was a bit irritated that I did not want Bella up here with me, but I think he understands. As long as she is a good girl, it will be ok. The boys are just coloring Thanksgiving cards, so Bella can get in on that action too.

I am sure there are lots of you that are watching the election stuff on all the major channels, but I just can not do it. It is not that I am not interested, I just can not understand all that politic mumbo jumbo. I am very interested in my local out come, and will watch later tonight when they have a better idea of what is going on. I just don't know how they can even begin to know who is going to win anything, when all but 2 county's had to vote by mail. I know John just got his out yesterday, so they will not get his vote for a few days. I don't know, again, too much to think about. How about this one... we live in Mason County, but voted in the Thurston County election. We called them to tell them about their mess up, and they said to vote Thurston County this time, and they would have it fixed for next time. I did not get to vote for any of the people in my own county. Lame.

8 years in November

So John and I were married 8 years ago on November 18th. Wow. 8 years. That is just crazy. The most crazy part is, I love him more today then I did the day we were married. He is the best man I have ever met, and he makes some beautiful babies too! I love him. We want to go out on our anniversary (have the babysitter already!!), but I am sure we will do the usual... dinner and a movie. I am still excited though. I always thought I would want to renew our vowes at year 10, but damn, that is just 24 month and 14 days away. I think we will wait until our 20th. Any way, I have to go... Cub Scouts are coloring at our house tonight, and I still have to hide all the laundry and sweep the floors. TTFN!!

HERE IS TO PRESIDENT OBAMA!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

The reasons I live...




We did it!!

October is over, and John did not have to go to the hospital. That would be a first in the past 4 Octobers!!! Too bad, I have supplemental insurance.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Ok, these pictures are way out of order, but I will fill you in as you go. The first few are of our yard last night!! We made the coffin and guillotine this year, but the head stones are from a few years ago. The fog is home made too, from our machine.









This is my mom's costume. What a dork, right?!


Spencer's costume. Cutest vampire in the world!!!


My costume. Ha ha ha.

Bella's costume. CUTE!!


We went for a drive in a graveyard the other night. The "orbs" you see are just dust from us driving on the dirty road. No ghosts that night.


Ok, the next few pictures are us at the pumpkin patch. Again, out of order. This would be Bells crapping out on us. Walking is for the stupid.












My new favorite picture. Damn I am hot!!





This is my son. Wow. He was done carving pumpkins, and it was bath time. However, once in the tub, a turd came a calling, and he had no choice but to go poop. Note he did not wipe the bubbles off first.
Dad carving our pumpkins.

Nice Spencer.

Look for all those seeds boy!!



Ok, again. They were hardcore out of order, but that was our week in a few pictures. I love Halloween, but am just glad it is all over. Now it is time to get ready for Christmas!! Oh man, I need a nap and some aspirin!!


Date Night

So I got a text from my husband this morning saying he wants to take me out on a date tonight. I am very excited. I know money is tight, but I am really excited to go get a new outfit for tonight. So far we are going to see a movie, and go to dinner first. We are old and boring so that is probably the extent of it all. Still, mommy needs a night off from the kids, and I don't mean going to work.

I am on the phone with John right now, and he says that the sitter is busy tonight. Freaking great. I wish he had looked into it before asking me to go some where and getting my hopes up. I am frustrated. Now it is pointless to even try. Whatever.